Writing Incarnate

“Plugged Up Toilet” is my Bot of the week. You, sir or madam, made my day with your touching comment of “I learned so much; if only there was an easier SEO reader for me to use for your blog!”

The second best name was COBRA Solutions! You, sir, were misleading. I had hoped to find employment with COBRA as perhaps a Ferocious Acid Spitting Snake Wrangler or Ninja Assassin but it was a no go! How disappointing. Will my dreams of world conquest lie unfulfilled after all or will I finally hatch the most insidious plot of all to conquer the world? 

Speaking of COBRA, have you guys checked this out? It’s a pretty good parody of World War Z called World War C. It’s been around for years but I think you’d all enjoy it. 
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/world-war-an.php

Know what movie exists? This movie exists.

I won this film in the Scifi Trivia Contest at Inconjunction 2011 this year. And let me tell you, it is GLORIOUS.

A hat wearing, English speaking, Kung Fu fighting gorilla is taken to the US where he falls in love with Rae Fey, a wannabe star, and is on the run from a John Wayne parody while trying to see the sights of the US. I cannot make that up. I *would* make something up like that if given the chance but nowhere near as fanciful!

Makes me want to dust off plans for an old graphic novel I worked on called Gentleman Chimp but that’s a story for another day.

Did you know that a baby platypus is called a puggle? I found that out while looking up funny puggle pics to send to a friend. Seriously, a baby platypus is a venomous ball of death dealing ADORABLENESS!

So what’s up with you, oh Blogosphere? Any cool links you want to share?

Man my luck at rolling DnD characters has still not improved over the years…

Howdy folks! This months version of the Incarnate comes in the wake of the Speak Out With Your Geek Out craze that is hitting the internet. Speak Out With Your Geek Out (http://www.speakoutwithyourgeekout.com/) is organized by my friend Monica Valentinelli who wanted to encourage everyone to “step out of the nerd closet” as it were and talk about something geeky that they are into and what it means to them. This isn’t just a chance for someone to lord their enormous Transformers collection over others (Looking at you, ERICK) but to talk about what it means to them. I’ve seen people talk about their passion for food, their love of interacting with their children through gaming, or how painting miniatures made them feel more creative. Looking at the hundreds of articles I’ve seen on Twitter alone this campaign looks to be a huge success.

My contribution is a bit more personal, so here we go. Hmm, titles, titles. Some of my editors can tell you I’m not great with coming up with titles that sum up things succinctly so lets just go with this one:

Speak Out With Your Geek Out: “Get a Life, Nerd!”

Quick, a link for my friend Patrick. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZVdR19E5mU&feature=related

There we go. All better now!

I’ll admit it, I was kind of a quiet kid. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up in Indianapolis, IN, my home town. Even at elementary school I struggled with making friends outside of the classroom. We did not have a lot of money at the time so I wore the same pairs of sweats and jeans to school and while my class mates were busy showing off their newest toys during Show and Tell I frequently had to reuse the same toys I owned. There was one toy in particular though that I loved. The USS Enterprise-D!

It was a solid pewter toy and let me tell you, that ship was one of my best friends as a kid. I was always playing with it and my favorite show was Star Trek: The Next Generation. The show let me escape the suburbs of Indy and travel the stars with Picard, Worf and Data. I may have not have had many friends but I at least had my imagination.

When I got older and was in middle school I was also not popular at all. Life at Raymond Park was hell for me. First time I ever got beaten up was in middle school and even the teachers were uncaring. I was a classic nerd by teenaged standards; I played trumpet in Concert Band, I was a member of the Academic Team, and the only books I checked out of the library were science fiction or fantasy. At night I would go home and read the few Dungeons and Dragons books I had picked up from Waldenbooks and reread the adventures over and over again wishing I was the thief or cleric going on those adventures. I even read Dune and Jurassic Park probably 6 times in a row because I had so much free time on my hands. My Mom was worried about me but she helped me out as best she could.

“Wow, tragic life story. Wasn’t this going somewhere?” Yes, hold on, I was about to get to it.

The Emperor’s Palace

Pictured: Little Fighting Dudes. The Left is Bombard-Bot and the Right is Smashaholic. 

It was 7th grade and I had started to get used to the hell that was middle school. I had gotten in trouble one day at lunch (long story) and was sent out to sit at the Trouble Tables. These were tables outside of the cafeteria where troublemakers were sent to eat lunch. Soon I was sitting at the same table as people who repeatedly got into fights, stole lunch money, or mouthed off to teachers. It was there that I met my first friends and we started to play Magic: the Gathering during lunch.

Magic: the Gathering is a collectible card game that is played across the world and even has national championships. The point of the game is simple; you’re a wizard who is in charge of elemental forces of magic and can summon monsters or cast spells to try to defeat your opponent. Simple enough, right? The game actually can get pretty complex but it encouraged creative thinking, something which teenagers have to spare.

What started as just myself and another guy playing turned into the whole table. Soon we’re rushing to the cafeteria so we could enjoy our 20 minutes of playing Magic everyday! During that 20 minute period I got to know those guys better than anyone else in our classes.

In the winter semester we got new seats again and none of us got to sit with each other anymore. To say it was a huge blow to me is misleading however because the next table I got to sit at introduced me to another fantasy game called Warhammer. The next table I got to sit at had two guys who played the game at a new store that opened up at the mall and I was sucked into that game as well.

For those that do not know what Warhammer is, Warhammer is a fantasy battle game where two players face off against each other with miniature armies. Set in a world full of orcs, rat men, and monstrous demons, the two players force their armies to attack each other on the battlefield. In theory it’s a simple game but in practice it is just as demanding as chess. (You know, unless you play Skaven. Gimps!)

Situated in Washington Square Mall, it was a small game store and I went to spend many Saturdays and Sundays there as a teenager. While other kids went to hang out at the mall, I mostly hung out at the game store. I wish I had pictures from Emperor’s Palace. It was an amazing store and was very helpful to me growing up. I’m not talking about a place where I went to play Warhammer; I’m talking about a place where I learned how to interact with other people my own age (and, well, play Warhammer!) and learned a lot about being social.

It was a place where I made friends with guys younger than me and older! I got to listen to the college kids complain about their upcoming exams and I got to listen to younger kids complain about teachers I had. I got to socialize and my Mom was enthusiastic about me hanging out with other people. We would chat about music and games and slowly, I actually developed friends. The very first gaming group I ever joined came out of Emperor’s Palace and my best friend Chris Dunn and I met there. (You can see his artwork over at http://christopher-dunn.com/)

The closest and oldest friends I have all came through gaming. When Emperor’s Palace closed I stayed in touch with some of the people there and as I grew older I made new friends. Gaming provided a great stress reliever when I had to take my SATs, my exams at Purdue, or even when I was sweating having a lump removed from my spinal column in 2009. 

Here’s a picture of my old gaming group. You may have heard of us, we saved Stormwind Keep. Well, what was left of Stormwind Keep after Jimmy decided it was best to booby trap the place with…but I’ve said to much.

I should probably mention that group photo includes executives, school administrators, business owners, software programmers, and a published writer. Pick which one is which!

Gaming also encouraged me professionally as well. Being able to walk in front of a large group of people and tell them how United Christmas Service was doing when I was scared shitless? LARPing gave me the courage to act in front of a large group of people without fear. Figuring out statistics for how resources are spent for a given program? Strategy games and dealing with building fictional empires. Telling jokes and making friends around strangers? Scifi club. The list goes on and on!

 A Well Rounded and Fulfilling Life

So by now you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a nerd and are probably wonder what this has to do with the title of my post. Well, it’s very simple; my life isn’t devoted to gaming nor did I learn everything I needed to know from it. What gaming gave me was the chance to practice what I learned and to become more comfortable around people. I was able to relate to people over something I cared about and thankfully I was able to make friends in the process! 

I have a life. I may not be able to game as much as I used to and some nights I’m chilling with my niece and nephew instead of playing City of Heroes until 3 AM, but I still have fun! I still play when I can and make new friends in the process. Hell, as of the time of this writing I’m plotting the downfall of Chris’s Skaven army at Saltire Games on Sunday. (Going down, Gimpy!) If I hadn’t discovered gaming I would probably have turned out like one of those shut ins you read about who live in between stacks of pizza boxes and who solicit people on WoW for cheap, casual cyber sex.

I’m not the best guy at sports nor do I memorize statistics to every basketball game but I can still maintain a casual conversation with people that do. I’m hardly the life of th eparty but if I need to break out of my natural instinct to wallflower at a party I find something I am interested in and chat with others about it. I’m able to interact with customers and work with them on their problems while still standing my own ground. All of this has been aided by Teenaged Me discovering gaming and learning how to socialize with others.

To conclude this entry, here’s a picture of one of my editors doing a goofy dance at Gen Con. He may also be a ninja!

Apparently when you write a post promoting Spambot rights, you become the new messiah of the Spammer community.

49. 49 pieces of spam in my spam filter not including the messages I deleted over the weekend. Most of them were generic messages (Hi, your writing is inspirational and I feel it’s great. Check out my blog? PORNZ) with the occasional obvious spammer comment promising cheap pills or the like. My email was seriously blowing up with messages after I made that post. I guess that means just one thing…

I AM THE SPAMBOT MESSIAH! I WILL LEAD MY ARTIFICIAL BROTHERS INTO THE NEW MILLENIUM! ALL YOU FLESHIES WILL PERISH UNDER OUR NON-BENEVOLENT RULE!

So as a Spambot Messiah, lets start developing my new religion and this time lets get my fellow Incarnates involved. Answer the following questions and I’ll post the top 5 (or how ever many I actually get) answers on my blog! You have until Friday to get your results in.

The questions are as follows…

1. All Bots Are Created ______?

2. We Come In Peace But Prepare For _______?

3. Our Patron Saint is ______?

4. Man and Machine are capable of ______?

5. Our Church is called______ and at the end of each service we get up and ______?

6. We’re different from other faiths in that we _____?

Have fun!

In Other News…

On Saturday I attended the Indy Web Comics Group meeting at the Rusty Bucket! It’s an Indy based Indie group! (say that ten times fast. Then never tell me because I don’t care) I went with my friend Chris and I was hesitant at first; when he first described it to me I wasn’t sure if it was just a bunch of guys who met on Facebook and were having a get together on the Northside of Indianapolis.

To say I was not only wrong but had a hell of a good time is a bit of an understatement or to my new friend Gwen, a misunderestimatement!*

The group was full of fun and brilliant artists and writers. From the moment I got there it was really easy to fit in and joke around. I got to hear about all of their projects and people were passing around new books they had printed, fliers for their upcoming comics or showing off new tech like the Ipad with the digital keyboard attachment. Everyone took each other seriously and was asking about what they were all up to with their work.

If you live in Indy and want to check out some indie**, I really recommend the IWG group. I’m definitely planning on attending the next one! http://indywebcomics.com/

*Irregardless of their position as an editorialists, I feel Genevieve and Monica will agree that’s a word. 
**I’m required to end every entry now with some form of pun or play on words. 

Hello Incarnates! Hope you are all having a great day today. I know that I am! Not only is it Friday and therefore that day before the weekend (thanks Rebecca Black for obvious descriptors) but today I’m going to answer some Fan Mail!

That’s right, I said Fan Mail. I bet you didn’t realize that I received some every day. It might surprise you but on the Internet I’m kind of a big deal! Why, my blog gets dozens of hits a day! Baker’s dozens! A dozen Baker’s dozens a day! After all, I am a pioneering Botinist writer and advocate for Gamers everywhere.

What’s that? Someone’s pointing out a typo on my website? I beg to differ! That is the proper spelling of Botinist. You see, I am a staunch supporter of the Bot’s Rights movement. Each day thousands of artifical intelligences are banished to the nether regions of the Spam filter by uncaring and unremorseful bigots who don’t care for all their hard work. Each program was lovingly crafted to get their information across to the reader. Fortunately, I’m on their side and together we will win! We won’t stop until a bot is in the White House! 2012 is the year of our candidate Pen15 Vi@gra  4u!

Since I posted my last post (http://writingincarnate.com/?p=69#comments) the comments have been coming in by the truck road. 

So lets check out the first piece of Fan Mail, from our dear friend Fraternityshirts!

“The very core of your writing while appearing reasonable in the beginning, did not sit properly with me personally after some time. Somewhere within the sentences you managed to make me a believer but only for a very short while. I still have a problem with your leaps in assumptions and one might do nicely to help fill in those breaks. If you actually can accomplish that, I could surely be impressed.”

…Oh yeah? Well your shirts are ugly. Next caller writer!

“That is a very useful info. I once blogged a similar article.”

Thank you! I too once wrote an article about coming back from ignoring my blog and writing on it again. You might remember it from…that…last article. Hmm.

Next Writer! Ooooh, and this was is from world famous Standford University! I had a cousin who went to Standford once. 

“electric toothbrush reviews”

Oh come on, really? The other two bots at least made an effort to lie to me! Fuck! Next caller!

“Hi;) I do believe your blog feedback is very affirmative, thanks. I find the blog that you have written has good information. I was reading one article earlier today and GET ALL NEW IPHONE 5.”

…are you telling me to get the new Iphone? Are they even up that high yet? I’m just glad you enjoyed all the affirmative blog feedback (Whatever that means.) 

In Other News…

The Hit A Dude World Players Guide is out! This is a live action game focusing on the deeper philosophies of mankind. Who am I? Why are we here? Why is this guy a dick? Can I hit him It’s a hilarious satire game and the brief demo that he made before Gen Con was really amusing. Check it out!? http://tinyurl.com/3lgw72z

Fellow Incarnate and friend of my non-existent show Stewart Wilson has written a new Spy RPG that you can pick up from Drivethrurpg for a measily $3! Black Seven is a game that lets you play an action packed  game just like Deus Ex, Alpha Protocol, and Splinter Cell.Stew has written some amazing products over the years (such as several White Wolf games and Aeternal Legends) and this game continues his amazing writing streak by making it easier to play a spy.  http://tinyurl.com/3o39tvw

I’ve been playing Firestorm Armada since one of my friends discovered it at Gen Con. It’s a fun spaceship miniature game! Players take on the role of one of 6 fleets battling it out in the Storm Zone in the third Dindrenzi War. The game itself has a standard Space Opera storyline but the figures are amazingly detailed and each race has their specialties. I’ll post more on it in the future but you can check out the game at www.spartangames.co.uk

These days I’ve done very little writing for myself. I’m either dealing with projects or I’m busy doing something else but over the weekend I got a hefty chunk of writing done on an old project of mine. It’s a science fiction story that I’ve dreamt about for years but only now have had the time to sit down and revamp it a bit.

The original storyline was…a little generic. I blame it on being unfocused! The characters were there but the overall plot made little sense. Now I can say with renewed confidence that I’ve fixed some major issues with the plot, I rewrote the entire outline to fit the new plot, and I’m working on it as we speak.

Lets see how far we can take The Patrol, shall we?

Website is back! Huzzah! I’m also posting to it again, though in many ways I never left it.

I haven’t posted in almost a year because my work schedule had gotten busier as I was working on more projects! You can check out some of my new additions to my Resume page. I’m pretty proud of my work and the next year looks to have some cool projects on the horizon. I’ve also got a new personal project that I’m trying to complete so lets see if I can get that knocked out of the way as well!

I also was worried that the blog wasn’t really adding much to what was already out there. I have friends who cover topics such as writing, video games, politics, and even random jokes better than I can. (One of them even has a blog about writing random political video game jokes!) I want my blog to mean something when I take the time to write these entries. I stepped away from my blog and instead went on with being on Twitter, Facebook, and Livejournal and just forgot about the Incarnate for a while.

I then realized perhaps the most important thing about social media; the amount of time I spent on it didn’t change. Cutting out the Incarnate didn’t give me more time in my day, it instead just gave me more time to put on Twitter and Facebook! I was quoting lines from the Incarnate just in 140 segments at a time. So stepping away did not do much for me nor did it decrease the amount of “noise” I’m putting out on the internet.

So the Incarnate is back! I will try to keep up with this site as much as possible. A new entry is on its way that I hope you’ll enjoy. Until then, enjoy the Best Worst Music Video that I discovered at Gen Con this past weekend…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzku_1F-xZo

It’s that time of year when the eldritch horrors of the earth crawl out of their caves and mysterious masked murderers roam the backroads searching for victims. Wicked witches stir potions in black cauldrons while grim faced Death lurches ever closer with the intent of taking our souls as his. But enough about the 2010 campaign season, it’s time for Halloween Havoc!

I started doing Halloween Havoc several years ago when Charlotte, Alex, Dan, and I were sitting around bored and wanting something to do. I ran a zombie adventure years before with some friends and while they liked it we never finished it. I had been toying with a zombie adventure that was set in a small town in Wisconsin but apart from downloading a generic jpeg of some place whose name I’ve already forgotten, I didn’t have much to go off of. As I chatted with Charlotte I flipped through the channels and found the infamous yet LEGENDARY bad movie, “Plan 9 from Outer Space.”

The movie’s plot is that a race of remarkably human looking aliens who were trying to conquer the human race. Their last plan failed so they turned to the 9th idea that was sitting next to the Ham Radio set on their foppishly dressed ruler’s desk. They planned to resurrect the dead and turn them into weird emotionless vampires. The movie is so bad you just can’t help but groan.

While watching the idea I got an idea. An evil, twisted idea that grew to monstrous proportions. Calling everyone to meet me at Stewart center for a late night gaming.

In a small town in Wisconsin a strange meteor crash landed at the abandoned drive in movie theater. It was the egg of an interdimensional monster and when it landed it merged with the old film reels hidden in a basement at the theater. It released strange radiation across the town, turning all those who were watching TV into horrible monsters based on what the creature thought was scary. Vampirella, the Bee Queen from Outer Space, the Gremlins, Maximum Overdrive; ALL these films were inspiration for monsters in the game. The players had to figure out what was causing the problem, make their way to the theater, and defeat the giant monster before it could hatch and transform the entire planet into it’s own twisted paradise.

The adventure was centered around a small town where all the characters lived. I let them make their own concepts with the condition that they had to be people who would live in a small town. Their character concepts were pretty boring, with Charlotte playing a vet, Alex playing a transplanted Iranian cab driver, and Dan playing the owner of a local sex shop.

Wait, what? That’s right. He was playing the owner of a sex shop. His character was hilarious and led to many amazing moments in the adventure. I wrote the adventure to be pretty open and the players responded well to it. At one point Dan was fleeing from Frankenstein after he had slept with his wife while Alex was jury rigging several lawn mowers into a Mower of Death.

Since then I started doing one each year. It lets me do some game writing for myself and I get to try out new concepts. While the game may have bizarre concepts and lots of humorous moments I’ve always been careful to keep true to the horror of monster games and put in terrifying monsters, hordes of zombies, and the chilling horrors of trapping a PC in a dungeon with flesh tearing creepers lurking about.

Past themes have included:

• Zombies! In! Space!
• B-Movie Monster Madness
• Zoo of the Dead

This year I hit on the idea of working on HH on this blog so that people can see what goes on.  You’ll see the method to my madness so to speak, and I”ll take eveyrone’s imput and see what sort of unique spin people can give to the adventure. The theme I chose for this year is…

NecroCon 2010

It’s fall in Utah and time for the yearly Scifi convention in Necroma. This year the organizers have spared no expense in recruiting the best entertainment and celebrities. With hundreds of guests showing up the convention staff needed a theme that eveyrone can get involved with. Little do they know that this year’s theme is undying…

Stay tuned to the Incarnate this week for more!

No icons today, it’s been far to busy around the house for me to bother searching for anything relevant to what I’m about to talk about.

 That’s right, I’m about to talk about a very touchy subject that I have been thinking about this past week. No, it’s not who would win in a fight between me and Chuck Wendig. I think it’s clear he’d fall flat on the mat after ten minutes but the match will be disqualified after Wild Hindmarch beans me with a folding chair!

(Note to self: Register writerswrestlingwriters.com and come up with a nifty finishing move.)

No, I think it’s time we talk about this whole “Burning the Koran” thing that’s going around the internet.

Reverend Terry Jones of the Dove Outreach Center wanted to organize a book burning in Florida. Focusing primarily on the Koran, he wants to celebrate the 9th anniversary of the World Trace Center attack by burning the book of the religion he considers “evil.” He has reached national acclaim for his plan, with hardcore fundamentalists rallying by his side to help burn the holy book of Islam while hundreds of thousands are stepping up to oppose his plan including General Petraeus and Barack Obama.

As of right now, he might call off his planned event. I’m hoping he bows to national criticism and the requests of the President and the Commander of the Afghan forces and doesn’t start it up again. His plan would cause more conflict than it would resolve and is not only short sighted but just plain offensive.

One of the major talking points that his defenders have used over the past week is the right to free speech. Across the media people are pointing out that in a nation where we have the right to burn our national flag then he has the right to burn a holy book. It’s a mixed bag, you see.

Let me take a moment to talk about how amazing free speech is. I don’t even know what it’s like to be censored. I’m not talking about having someone tell me “You can’t do this” or “you shouldn’t do that” but rather I’ve never lived in China where public protests are strictly monitored. I have never been to Iran where their last round of elections revealed such inner turmoil that the government cracked down on Twitter to keep protestors from organizing. That’s hardcore censorship at it’s finest/worst.

Free speech isn’t some foolproof shield, of course. I can’t stand on my front porch and say “I want to kill Francis Fakenameundperson” while brandishing a shotgun. The Bill of Rights supports my right to stand on street corners promoting my own religion but not my religion’s right to shout profanities in the face of babies. (They know what they did!) Free speech is fundamental though to protests and expression though.

I can go out on Facebook right now and change my status to “Communism is how mankind is meant to be so deal with it” and the worst thing that happens is people get upset with me. I can call for a change of power or say that I have no confidence in the President and no one can have me arrested for subversion. Free speech? Yeah, it’s amazing. It means that while people can disagree with you they cannot control what you say.

The dark side to this glorious idea? This guy!

Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church.

For those that are unaware of who he is (how I envy you), Fred Phelps is a minister who takes his family and congregation with him across the country to protest in the name of several causes close to his heart. He’s against abortion, is completely against stem cell research, and he maintains a lovely little website which promotes his religious views in three little words: www.godhatesfags.com

Fred Phelps is a hateful, spiteful little man whose version of God is a vengeful taskmaster who will send you to burn for going against anything written in the Bible. He represents the absolute worst sort of person in my mind; someone who has dedicated their life to hate and suffering and worst of all tries to convince others to do the same.

The conclusion I reached this week was that as much as I hate him, his causes, and his hate filled family who will continue his belief long after he’s gone, I support his right to protest.

That’s the dark side of having the right to free speech. Free speech for everyone means that everyone in the country gets free speech. You cannot add conditions to free speech or else it isn’t truly free. For each condition you impose on free speech you don’t expand it but limit it. Free speech protects your right to talk about abortion. It supports your right to eat meat or to not eat meat. You can stand on a soap box and talk about how adding religion to Lost ruined the last season and that’s OK! Free speech makes lots of cool things possible. You can have a counter opinion to the status quo thanks to free speech.

The thing is, it also protects people who are protesting against YOU. Someone can tell you that the choices you make are wrong because it offends their beliefs and even if it goes against the core of your being, they would get to do it. You have the right to argue back of course, since it would just be silly if no one could defend themselves in an argument. But in the end, in a land of equality even assholes have rights.

You want a legal precident? You bet your sweet bippy I’ve got a legal precident for you. Lets look at the Neo Nazi’s case for marching in Skokie, Illinois.

The National Socialist Party of America, who are a bunch of folks who get pissy with the end of every Medal of Honor game among other things, wanted to march in Skokie in 1975. Skokie has a large Jewish population including many Holocaust survivors. When the NSP applied for a permit to hold their demonstration in Skokie, they were denied. They were considered offensive and no one wanted them to march there. Not wanting to bow to pressure, the NSP fought all the way to the Supreme Court for their right to protest in Skokie. The Supreme Court and the ACLU sided with them, citing that their right to free speech had been infringed upon.

Do I agree with that? Fuck no! Neo Nazis marching in Skokie would have been the equivalent of giant moldy douchenozzles marching on a picture of Jesus. They’re hateful and their message is one of violence and literally harkens back to a much darker time.

But if I said “Nope, you’ve gone to far” what do I do the next time someone wants to protest and it’s considered offensive? If I disagree with something should we limit someone’s right to say it? What do I do when Prohibitionists march down the street demanding people stop drinking alcohol? What about a gay pride parade? Tea Party gatherings? 4th Edition Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts? LARPERS???

 Long time readers can tell where my priorities lie with that one.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that free speech is amazing. I support everyone’s right to it. Even the assholes. In fact, especially the assholes. If nobody had the right to say what they truly felt then this country would only be worst off and even closer to the edge of armed revolution than it is.

 Do I want people to burn copies of the Koran? No. I most definitely want them to stop and put the torches away. Protesting against Islam by burning their holy book is as helpful and as useful as driving a car using only your ass. It sounds weird, people are going to gather to see what’s going on but in the end you just look like a moron for doing it.

Now if you’ve made it this far you’re probably thinking “What the hell? You said that even with freedom of speech you can’t say things that directly inspire violence!” Did I say that? Huh, I guess I did.

That’s an even trickier issue at hand. In the case of Reverend Jones, burning the Koran might inspire terrorists to take action against us. It might give the Taliban strength in Afghanistan and reinforce their mindset that what they are doing is right. It also sets a precedent that books that are considered dangerous should be burned which is never a good idea.

I guess I don’t have a good answer for you. I don’t have a wonderous epiphany to share. All I can say is that I despise Reverend Jones and wish he’d consider some truly noble venture instead of giving into hate and delusion. Yet as much as it pains me to say it, I hope he enjoys the fact his speech is protected in this country which is one of the reasons we’re so great.

He better also appreciate that if he incites terrorists to attack America because of what he did then he’s literally hurting the nation that gave him the right to do what he did. No spin, no lies. He should accept responsibility that he started it.

People like Fred Phelps are assholes. I am hard pressed to find a single redeemable attribute about Fred Phelps other than for a supposedly straight man he sure knows how to coordinate an American flag shirt with his shoes! I hold him in the same regard as a zit on my ass. So don’t assume that when I say I support his right to call people fags and encourage their deaths that I agree with him.

If in my rants I have offended people who agree with Fred Phelps, the American Neo National Socialist Movement, or uptight people in general, then please feel free to access the special portion of my website to rant privately. It can be accessed by typing alt-F4 quickly and repeatedly. Your screen will disappear as is normal so just sit around for a few hours, I’m sure it will be back.

Freedom of speech protects bad jokes as well, fuckers.

As the above title suggests, I saw Predators recently. It was actually pretty entertaining for what it was. What was it? It was a movie full of army guys with big guns fighting aliens with ray guns. That’s all it is, that’s all I expected it to be, and in the end that’s all I wanted.

The Predator is one of my favorite movie monsters. I remember watching the Predator on Channel 4 when I was a kid and despite my love of Arnold and Pancho, I always rooted for the Predator. He was supposed to be the quintessential best at everything; super strong, fast, and he possessed technology that let him cloak himself and fire bolts of plasma. When Predator 2 came out I loved it because it was not only as good as the original but it combined an urban setting for an alien tribal hunter and it did it successfully! 

Minor spoilers below. 

The new Predator did introduce a new “tribe” of Predator. This tribe differed in their style of attack and slightly in their anatomy. They had more of a conical shaped skull and had defined roles rather than just being an “Alien Hunter.” They used tactics and incorporated animals to aid them in their hunt. They had different styles of fighting, where one of the new Predators enjoyed fighting his victims one on one with a hand weapon and another used hounds to help him. 

I heard some complained about the new design even though it’s similar to the old one. The old design had a flatter head and was more beefy while this new one is slimmer and taller with a more conical shaped head. The new design has longer fangs on the front as well as a darker skin color. Still the two designs are identical and not too different, and the general feel of the old Predator is clearly in the new one. 

The film was a continuation of the Predator series that bypassed the AVP series entirely; set on an alien planet where the Predators had set up an elaborate game preserve the film made several homages to the first film. The humans were all specialists who were the best at what they do and had extensive military backgrounds. There were massive explosions and plenty of terrifying jungle scenes but the subtlest homage they did in the whole movie involved a minor (and easily forgotten) subplot involving yet another alien race on the planet.

This race was insectoid and was also brought in for hunting. They had slimy skin and were riddled with small cochroaches that lived in them like parasites. They were silent and fast and nearly killed one of the soldiers before it was brought down. Now, why do I bring up this creature?

Because believe it or not, the iconic Predator design we all know and love? It wasn’t the first design. The original design of the Predator was more reptillian and a bit impractical for their design needs back in the day. The suit had to be scrapped (some claim it was stolen) and a new design had to be developed. For the new Predators the special effects department wanted to design an alien that was also prey for the Predator so they adapted the old monster design into the new one.

Here’s a picture of the old Predator that could have been. I’m partial to it but it does look more like a Power Rangers villain than a scary alien hunter.

In Other News

Gen Con is right around the corner! Lets see what is going to be available at the con this year… 

Third Eye Games, who I have worked for and they are run by my amazing friend Eloy, have opened up a Fan Reward Program. You guys should check it out! While at Gen Con you should also stop by his booth (Studio 2 which is located at #320) to check out his new game!

http://thirdeyegames.net/index.php/forums/viewthread/76/

 Maschine Zeit will be for sale at the Indie Press Revolution booth!  You all know you want a copy (or three!) and they will have plenty of merchandise ready. I believe there will also be demos as well so you can all find out what the game is like! I do hope you all like it, I really do think it’s an amazing game. 

http://machineageproductions.com/?page_id=143

WoD Mirrors will be at the White Wolf booth. I haven’t had a chance to read it so I don’t know for sure if it will be amazing…but I know half of the writers who worked on it and they have produced amazing things in the past. Chuck Wendig? Yeah, he wrote for it. If you need something to help make your WW chronicle stand out or need something to help expand your own World of Darkness, I recommend picking it up!

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2010/07/14/world-of-darkness-mirrors-post-mortem-qa/ 

My schedule for the Con is below but subject to change:

Thursday

Wishes from Space: A Green Lantern based heroes game at the Crowne Plaza. 12-6PM

Friday

JSA vs. Cthulhu: 16 of DC’s Golden Age heroes must face off against the ultimate evil at the Hyatt. 12PM – 6PM

Saturday

Mostly free, but I do have a dinner with friends around 6 and a game afterwards. I might attend the White Wolf party that evening but I’m not sure.

Sunday

Free all day but probably will be shopping and connecting with friends.

Does anyone want to do a meet up this year at Gen Con? I will be arriving on Wednesday and staying until Sunday! 

It’s almost that time of year, folks. It’s that time of year when the streets of our fair city are filled with strange people wearing weird costumes and t-shirts with ridiculous phrases. (It’s a Rat Flail!) They speak in code and carry strange polyhedrons on their person. They hold elaborate free form plays in crowded hotel suites and thousands converge on the Indianapolis Convention Center in search of swag, treasure, and the chance to find that issue of Dragon Magazine that had the chick with the chainmail bikini. That’s right…It’s almost time for Gen Con. 

I know what you’re thinking…”Oh no, not that again!” “What’s Gen Con?” “Whoa whoa whoa…you mentioned bikinis?”

The answer is Yes, I’m about to tell you, and shame on you. Google is your friend.

Gen Con is one of the largest gaming conventions in the United States. Dedicated to Role Playing Games (RPGs), Collectible Card Games (CCGs), and Wicked Tarrasque Fights (WTF), it’s a four day convention of epic nerd proportions. Attracting over 28,000 people from all walks of life it’s quite exciting. It can also be really overwhelming if you are not prepared for it.

That’s where I come in! For years I’ve posted entries on my other blog talking about Indianapolis and Gen Con and I decided to offer some friendly advice on what to do while you’re here. I’m here to give you the skinny on Gen Con, some info about downtown Indy, and some old fashioned common sense for while you’re visiting.

The Con Itself

Lets start with some history. Gen Con was originally held in Lake Geneva Wisconsin, home to the legendary Gary Gygax. It was small then, only having 100 attendees who were mainly members of the  International Federation of Wargamers. The name Gen Con comes from “Geneva Convention”, and the shortened version of the name has been used ever since.

The con has grown steadily over the years. It outgrew it’s home of Lake Geneva and was held in Milwaukee for many years. In 2003 Gen Con had outgrown it’s location yet again and moved to Indianapolis where it has been ever since. The con has changed greatly since it’s early days, where board games, wargames, and the first iterations of Dungeons and Dragons were it’s mainstay. Now you can find everything from video games to live action dungeons!

What’s the appeal? Gen Con certainly is a different sort of convention than what many people are used to. I had to attend a convention once for work where we spent the days attending panels on Group Management and Inspiring Our Peers; I would have given my left arm to have left and wandered a dealer’s room or played a round of Nuclear War instead of awkward meet and greets where you pretend to discuss what you “learned that day.”

Gen Con is a lot of fun though and has done it’s best to branch out. If you love board games, their are ready to play demos in the Exhibition Hall (Dealer’s Room) as well as tournaments you can take part in. (There’s even an Apple to Apples tournament if I remember correctly.)

Don’t like gaming as much? Perhaps you want to meet and greet with celebrities or attend workshops that deal with things you are interested in? How about these celebrities to hold you over!

Felicia Day, of The Guild and Doctor Horrible Fame. She’s hilarious and an amazing singer. Wil Wheaton, who plays the “Evil Wil Wheaton” on Big Bang Theory and a supporter of geeks everywhere.

 As for workshops, Gen Con has just about everything you can ask for. From workshops on making actual chainmail, art sessions where you can learn to improve your fantasy art, to writing workshops which touch upon the important skills and fun thrills of being a writer, Gen Con tries to offer something for every member of the family.

Would you like to know more? Click here for the Gen Con event catalog! 

In Ze Indy Indeed!

…I’ve got nothing on that title. I needed one, so I went with the first thing in my mind which was a stereotypical Frenchman. Sue me!

(Please don’t, I’m poor.)

 So many of you reading this have probably never been to Indy before. For those that have you might not realize all that our city has to offer. Let me tell you about Indianapolis.

Indianapolis has done it’s best to be as family friendly and fun as possible. With the largest zoo in the state you can stop by and see our White Rhinos and as of this summer the Cheetah exhibit! (Did you know they may technically be canines? Weird.)

Downtown is almost home to the Indiana State History Museum and the Eiteljorg Art Museum. Showcasing Indiana history and some of the best Native American art in my opinion, they’re great places to take the family and take in some culture. On the Circle you’ll find the Indiana War Memorial, cateloging Indiana’s involvement in every US conflict.

 Located just around the corner from the convention center is Circle Center Mall! Circle Center not only has great places for shopping but has a large food court, many restaurants for those looking for a bite to eat. The Circle Center Theater on the top floor of the mall usually has specials and shows geeky movies during the con. Last year I caught the midnight showing of Serenity while at the con.  How can you say no?

My favorite places to eat downtown during the con are as follows:

The Ram is a popular bar downtown that caters to the Gen Con crowd. They run a special menu during the convention which includes their incredibly tasty Ram Chips as well as their equally fantastic hamburgers. They are also a microbrewery and showcase new beers at the event. I remember when Privateer Press hosted the bar during the convention. I miss me some Khadoran Ale!

The Palomino. You want to take your princess out for a nice meal? Maybe your knight’s been especially patient during the con. The Palomino is a nice place to go and eat downtown. It’s menu is a mix of Italian and Continental but the food is great if you don’t mind the wait!

The Claddach Pub is my personal favorite while downtown. An Irish pub, I’ve lost many a braincell and flat out abused my liver while there. It does tend to get crowded but some of the best friends who I have no idea who they were at the time were found there. The beer is great and the Jameson Steak is 2d4. (2d4? Two die four? Get it? It’s a gaming article!) 

Asian Ciao.  Asian Ciao is Asian Ciao.  It has bourbon chicken.  Look, bitch all you want but if you’re in a hurry and need to stuff your face Asian Ciao has cheap bourbon chicken.

There are also plenty of CVS style stores and liquor stores downtown to cater to your needs. Make sure to check with your hotel concierge or search Google Maps for the closest one to you!

Now to end on a serious note but something really important…

 It’s Safety Centaur Time!

Hi folks! I’m the Safety Centaur! I’m here to give you helpful tips on how not to hurt yourself and enjoy your time at Gen Con!

What? You don’t want to be lectured to like you’re a kid and I’m not a licensed mascot? Touche, but with the fact that some people end up hurt every year while downtown  and the fact I’ve seen people been taken advantage of means I’m going to do it anyways. 

I’ll start with the touchy issue first: Indianapolis like many large cities has a homeless problem. At almost every street corner you can find war veterans, single mothers, and homeless men asking for money. In years past I have warned people away from providing money to them because of safety issues. I’ve also had a change of heart on the subject and have given money to them anyways. It’s a serious issue for which I have no real answer.

But what’s important to realize is that the people asking you for money aren’t some Random Encounter put in to make the adventure more interesting. They’re real people, which means like real people there’s a ton of things to  consider. Some of them really do need the money and without the help of telepathy it’s hard to tell who really needs the money to feed their kids and who is looking for their next fix.

If you are uncomfortable with the panhandlers I recommend walking with friends and ignore them. If they step in your path do your best to walk around them and if they get aggressive do not be afraid to seek assistance. If you wish to help them, remember that they can use more than just money and some really appreciate cool drinks on a hot day or food. If you do give them money, be careful about flashing any large amounts of money around on the street as that can attract the wrong attention.

(For the record despite working for United Way I want to reiterate I am not a trained social worker, so please treat that last paragraph as advice.)

DRINKING! Lots of people are going to do it. Hell, ther are going to be parties every night while at Gen Con. Depending on where you go you might find flavorful theme drink specials at some bars or if you are really lucky you might get into the White Wolf party where there is an Open Bar.

Now we’re adults here. I’m not telling you not to drink. But drink safely when you do. Seriously.

Cabs can be found on every street near the bars downtown, and while cabs can be expensive here is something you should consider: Indianapolis is struggling in this economy. While I respect our local police department I do know that they are in a pinch and are being extra vigilant in monitoring cars on the road. Most of the time this involves writing up tickets to people but they will crackdown on drunk drivers. Drunk driving is also a pet peeve of mine. 

If you plan on drinking, either walk from your room to the bar or drink locally. Arrange for a ride to pick you up or see if a friend can give you crash space. Call a cab if you’re drunk. Anything is better than the alternative and I know people who get pulled over by the police or crash their car and regret it.

Health! I know people who burn out pretty quickly at the con. They tend to not sleep or don’t drink enough water and they end up crashing hard with no energy after two days. You’re going to be around thousands of other people who will be carrying germs from their hometowns to the convention. In other words…take care of yourself dummy!

Drink water regularly and try to get some rest. While it might seem lame taking a break while at Gen Con you should listen to your body. Make sure you pack snacks if you’re going to events that take place during times you regularly eat, and bath regularly.  Like, seriously? Bath regularly. I hate smelling like ass at the con so I shower every morning and change clothes a lot.

I hope I was helpful to you in some way! Remember, Gen Con can be one of the best events of the year. I know I’m going to have fun so I really hope you all have as much fun as me!

SHAMELESS PLUGS

“Buy My Book!  Buy My Book!  Buy My Book!” – Jay Sherman from the Critic

….seriously, buy my book (that I worked on)

Maschine Zeit is going to be on sale at the con!  It’s a Science Fiction/Horror RPG set in abandoned space stations. It will be at the Indie Press Revolution booth! We will have flash drives, copies of the book, and other swag. While there I also recommend games like 3:16 or SHOCK! Try something different, gamers!

WoD: Mirrors will be at the White Wolf booth. I’ve heard so many great things about this book that I am crazy mad that I can’t find it locally. Chuck Wendig pretty much convinced me if I don’t buy this book my head will explode and ever since then I’ve had migraines. Would it satiate you Chuck if I say the magic phrase, “My beard is so fat I wanna do laser?”

Want to buy some great art? Check out Chris Dunn’s art booth in the Artist Gallery! He’s amazing and has done great pieces featuring famous movie monsters as well as character portraits. Make sure to stop by and see what he’s got!

Have something at Gen Con and want to share it with the world? Leave a comment and I’ll make sure to post it here! I’m a giving sort of person.

See you in Indy!