Let me start off by saying that while I am mad about the circumstances of my 360 breaking down, the customer service at Microsoft was full of shit.

Lets start with their automated menu which kept trying to direct me to go online to make a repair ticket.  I can’t make a repair ticket because it kept saying my 360 was already registered but wouldn’t you know, the automated menu just keep treating me like I’m an idiot and saying “You should go online to our website and make your ticket there!”  When I finally managed to get a hold of someone (a feat made possible I believe by almost yelling at the menu), I got someone whose accent was so thick it really was hard to understand them at times.

I gave him my information and explained to him how I couldn’t create my own repair bill because it claimed my system was already registered.  The technician refused to help me at first, stating what I had just told him:  That my xbox was already registered.  I asked him who registered it but not only could he not give me that information but his computer went down, prompting this exchange.

“So you can’t tell me who registered my Xbox or when they did it, but you’re saying that you can’t register my system because your computer is down?”

“That is correct, sir.”

“How am I to get my 360 repaired?”

“You need the receipt and proof of ownership before I can process your repair.”

“….I received this 360 as a Christmas gift.  I don’t have the receipt and I’ve been the only owner of it for years.  No one has used my 360 or even borrowed it at all.  How can someone else have registered my 360?”

“Well we need proof of ownership such as the serial number.”

“…I just gave you the serial number!  That’s how you knew it was already registered in the system!”

“Oh….umm….can you give me the serial number again?”

“(number)”

“It still says it’s registered to someone else, sir.”

NO.  FUCKING.  WAY.

“This is intolerable, you’re saying I can’t fix my 360 at all?”

“Well you can make a request to change ownership of the 360 to yourself.”

“Why would I change it?  I own it!  Alright, fine.  Can we change ownership of the 360 to myself?”

“Sure…all you had to do was ask and I could have helped you do it.”

I bit back my anger because after being at the dentist all morning I really just wanted it fixed.  So I sat, and waited, and calmly recited my info to him and just when he is about to finish up…

“Uh oh, my computer is down again so I’ll have to put you on hold, and when you come back I’ll need you to recite your information for me again.”

It’s then that I pondered whether I have offended God at some point, and I kick myself for having to babysit yesterday and not being able to go to Ash Wednesday.  I’m still doing Lent however, but I just forgot to attend services.  Then I remember that God is probably off fighting Space Godzilla with Mothra somewhere, and if anything we’re buds so I doubt he’d do this to me.  I briefly consider sacrificing Aaron Dembski Bowden to the Devil instead, but then I remembered that even the Devil has standards and won’t put up with his tomfoolery.
(BTW, he’s got books out.  Hop on over to Black Library and check them out!  I believe Soul Hunter is out now, or is it Helsreach?)

When he comes back and I recite my information TWICE (cause wouldn’t you know, his computer crashed again while we were talking) we are about to check out.

“Please note that with service fees are $122.99, with a warranty extension fee of 29.99″

“Wait a minute, why did you advertise that it’s just $99.99 on your site?”

“It’s $99.99 for a console that’s 3 years old.”

“My console is 3 years old.”

“No, yours is MORE than 3 years old.”

“No, it’s 3 years and two months old.”

“Yes.”

“I’m lost.  My console is 3 years old!”

“No, you said it was 3 years and 2 weeks.”

“Wait, explain this:  How can it be free if it’s less than 3 years old,$99.99 for a console that’s 3 years old exactly, but 122.99 if it’s after 3 years?”

They then tripped over themselves verbally for a minute before they responded back to me.

“I’m sorry, I meant to say “With tax and service fees, it’s $122.99.”

“Regardless?  It’s just $122.99?”

“Well it could have been $199.99 if it was older than 3 years.”

“That makes little to no sense to me.”

“That’s our rules, sir.”

He didn’t get the joke he just made but at that point I just started laughing hard.  I can definitely see how their business operates under the guise of “Our rules make little to no sense.”

I chose in the end to get it repaired because buying a new 360 is out of my means at the moment and I don’t want to invest $250 dollars in a system that I may trade in 2012 when new systems come out. (They’re almost due when you think about it.)

Finally, when my nightmare is over and I can stop wracking up half an hour in lost minutes on my cell phone, the unspeakable happens.

“I can’t give you a repair number, sir.  My computer is saying your 360 is already registered.”

….

Dear Microsoft,

Let me be clear, I’m a fan.  I still have my original Xbox and I remember selling my PS2 to get the Xbox.  There were a bunch of games that I couldn’t switch over to the Xbox, like Amplitude or Kessen, and I was sad that I couldn’t play them anymore.  Still, I have stuck with you even though the Playstation 3 is out and has Blue Ray capacitiy and some really nifty games for it.  I like the 360 more than the Wii even though the Wii has better party games.  I want to love the 360 and can spend many nights shooting space mutants or raiding apocalyptic wastelands with it.

But lately it feels like you don’t like me.  You built your consoles from cheap parts with a bunch of unofficial rules attached to it.  Don’t prop up your 360 on it’s side or you risk burning the disc.  Don’t move the 360 when in use or you burn the disc.  Either pay $60 for our rechargeable batteries or gobble up disposable ones for the controller.  Your peripherals aren’t cheap, and lately some of the games you’ve been releasing are just poorly thought out.

Where is the love, Microsoft?  Am I just a quick lay to you, where you offer something shiny and awesome looking (Bioshock 2) but after taking my money you’d rather not look me in the eyes afterwards?  I remember when I was excited about the cool shit you had coming out for the Xbox and Xbox 360.  Now after having my console flat out die on me and putting me through a 3 ring circus with your poorly trained customer support I have to say I can get my kicks elsewhere.  I understand these things happen and some consoles just die from hardware failure.  What kills me is that when you know I’d be upset and I want to get things fixed ASAP you send me to a third party company who clearly aren’t being supported enough if their own computers die every 10 minutes.  Aren’t you supposed to be experts with computers?

I can go elsewhere, you know.  I can read books, I can go for hikes, or I could stick with the misanthropic sort of thing and stay in doors taping funny slogans to my cat for entertainment.  It’s not ideal but IT COULD HAPPEN.  Of course I”m kidding, since not only do I read (and write!) books, hike around the Wabash, or tape funny slogans to my cat (she has it coming) but I have other systems I can enjoy.  I’ve got the Nintendo Wii and I’ve been aching to break out my N64 and play me some Rogue Squadron.

Maybe I could even try my PC and maybe they’ll treat me better!  After all, with my PC I can…oh shit, you got me there too.  Crafty buggers, aren’t you?

With much rage and contempt,

John the Great.

P.S.  When I used to play with my Wii I’d think about you, but lately I play with my Wii and I think about the Playstation 3.

I’ve been playing Bioshock 2 and in almost every way it’s an improvement on the original.

The new weapons are fun and interesting.  Very rarely have I played a game where you get to take a huge f-ing drill and rip a man’s stomach out with it, and this game definitely delivered on it!  Even if you don’t want to get that close to someone, the game lets you pin them to the wall with a FLAMING ROCKET SPEAR or lets you fire ELECTRIC SHOTGUN SHELLS into a Spider Splicer.  It was very satisfying to do so.

My only complaint was the lack of an actual terrifying element to the game once you get past the first few levels.  The Thug Splicers, who are called so because they try to beat you to death with random blunt instruments, would be absolutely creepy because if you were focused on something in the game and not looking around they would try to sneak up on you.  There were several times when I turned around to see one with a wrench trying to get the drop on me.  These disappear halfway through the game and are replaced with an endless series of Leadhead Splicers, who while are fun to defeat they lack any sort of fear.

The protagonist of the game, an old style “Big Daddy” protector named Delta, is interesting.  For those that played the first game, the transformation into a Big Daddy is something terrifying to behold.  Here we have one of the first Big Daddy’s and as you struggle to get your daughter back you are forced to deal with murderous Splicers, the vindictive Sofia Lamb and her Rapture Family, and numerous mini bosses who want to crush you.

Penny Arcade was spot on with how some of the propaganda in the game did get on my nerves:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/2/12/

In case you missed it, Chuck Wendig wants you to focus on your writing.  Check it out!
http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2010/02/15/you-cant-write-everything-all-at-once-so-please-stop-trying/

Jess Hartley will be working on a new fiction project for Mind Storm Labs called the Adventures of Little Yoshida!
http://www.alphaomegathegame.com/index.php/permalink/the_adventures_of_little_yoshida/

The Conqueror’s Shadow by Ari Marmell  has been released and is getting some good reviews!  I haven’t had a chance to read it but if the reviews are right, it can cure baldness, improve vitality, and is a certified cure for whooping cough!

Code won’t behave, so no images for now.  Sorry folks.

So I just beat the game last night.  It took me a grand total of 45 hours, 16 minutes from start to completion on my first time through.   I enjoyed just about every minute of it.

Pluses +

• The combat was quicker but clearer, and the sniper rifle regained it’s dominance on the battlefield.
• I loved customizing armor and color schemes.
• Research was fun, and I like how you could improve the ship and have it matter in the end.
• Some of the romances were fun and natural for the most part.  Sometimes it did feel like the game was going for shock value with having so many alien creatures for the player to sleep with but only one guy or girl, but the story behind the characters was touching.  Garrus is used to failure, and his dialogue conveyed how nervous and insecure a cop-turned-vigilante can be.  Lawson felt like she had no self esteem because all of her gifts were bio engineered into her, and yet she was capable of catty dialogue with the main character.
• Sometimes you need to hug someone, and other times you need to smack the shit out of them.  The”interrupt” options in the game were a great addition and spiced up how dialogue could flow.

Minuses (-)

Lets face it, in a game like this there were still some shortcomings that did affect my enjoyment.  I did love the game, but some things I can’t overlook if I’m going to give it a fair review.

•  Searching for resources was fun and interesting at first, but soon became a weeping sore on the inside of my lip.  I’m serious, I liked scanning planets for resources when I was low on all four of them and there were plenty of side missions to discover by scanning planets.  Then I ran out of missions and the only element in the game I couldn’t find was Element Zero and everytime I scanned a planet I walked away with three metric tons of fucking Iridium which I couldn’t spend on shit.  It was still a big improvement over the last game, but it was a pain none the less.
• The customization was great, but there was a lack of options for customizing my armor.  I loved the glowing headband though, but I would have liked it if they kept some of the options they showed in the previews for the game.
• Some cool things in the game were never realized, like the Shepard VI you buy off someone.  Never saw it in the game even though I wanted to see it.
• Just like the first game, once you’ve killed everything in the universe and unlocked all your cool powers and weapons, your only choice is to commit to the end game.  I would have liked either random pirate missions or something to spice up searching the outer rim.
• Once again, the Blue/Red options dominated the conversations and there was no reason to choose any other options.

I loved the aliens they introduced in the game.  Mordin was a laugh riot, especially when he takes an interest in your personal life and gives you “medical advice” for a situation that comes up later in the game.  Legion was interesting, and I was enthralled with how the Geth lived and operated.  Thane was boring and generic at first but after accomplishing his mission I felt really close to him.

I’ll talk more about aliens later, but for now lets get on to Moral Choices in Games.

Morality in Games

In Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Fallout 3, and similar games you have a deluge of options to choose from.  When talking to someone the game gives you several options in some cases, like the following.

Generic Evil Mercenary Guy: I’m not giving you the disc, so go to hell!

(Good)Don’t do this.  If you give us the disc, it can save lives and you’re a hero.
(Bad) Screw you in your stupid face, I’m taking the disc!
Option 1:  Give us the disc!
Option 2: Zounds!

For those that don’t know how I play games like this, I play it honestly the first time through.  I play it like I’m the person in the game.  This means when I’m offered a choice in the game, I answer it the way I would do so in real life.  This means if I’m offered a chance to do something good, I take it!

The great thing about role playing games is they let you reach out and act how situations as a different character in a manner that’s similar to improvisational theater.  Even in video games you can find this, such as the scenario I presented above.  You have a choice and in game the dialogue options convey this choice as much as possible.  I say this because obviously there’s no option for “Pull down the villain’s pants and kick him down an uphill escalator.”

Hehe, uphill escalator.

With the new era of RPGs available for video games, the writing and the programming in the games allow for many different options.  If I want to be a good guy, I go with the Blue option and my character advances the story along as a good guy.  If I want to be a bad guy, I choose Red and continue on after performing something sinister.  If I’m Beige or don’t care for the scene, I choose a neutral  option and A. Nothing Happens or B. The story proceeds in a pre-determined manner but you’re neither good nor bad.

For me, I found myself clicking the Blue option throughout the game.  I was giving people money to buy tickets off of stations or convincing them not to do something stupid even though if they had I’d have made a profit.  The options made my character good but more importantly made “me” feel good.  I was proud of Shepard for helping people, though I did choose the Renegade path every now and then when I felt it was appropriate.

I’m not criticizing people who play games to escape from reality or who have always dreamed of playing The Punisher or La Femme Nikita.  I have a friend who told me he went through the entire game and when he was done Sheperd had glowing red eyes and firey scars over his face.  You want to go through the game and shoot people in the face, then go for it.  I just find it a little…boring.

Why?  I think it’s because I like heroes.  While I love a good villain, like Atrocitus from Green Lantern or  Badger from Firefly, I like to think that when it comes down to it I’d do the right thing regardless of the circumstances.  My Mom worked hard to make sure I knew what was right and wrong and it’s just kind of stuck with me. At most I’d be the mischievous sort of villain, but never the diabolical one.

Of course, this crosses over to real life.  I’ve stayed late after work to take a call from a social worker who has had a rotten day and is behind on their work (though I’m not usually happy about being it), I try to cheer people up when they’re feeling down, and the idea of stealing from a store is just downright repulsive to me.

Does this mean I hate villains and I’m a saint?  Nah.  I enjoy Grand Theft Auto, and in Fallout I’m running around town stealing from people to help line my pockets.   In Mass Effect I enjoyed some of the scenes that called for sudden action or a surprise attack even if it wasn’t particularly honorable, but even then I only did this against other villains.  I do feel bad in Fallout 3 when I rob from people’s homes, but considering how I saved a town from nuclear annihilation you would think they wouldn’t mind parting with their excess ammo and hidden secrets.

Will I play through the game again and go the Renegade path?  Probably.  I want to see the other half of the game and I want to see what changes in the story would happen if I did something differently.  I’m not going to go full blown, “Bluh!  I want to suck your bluhd, and possibly kick your dog too” but I will definitely take things from a different approach.

That’s the great thing about RPGs of course.  You get from it what you want, and with the new games coming out you get to make the choices you want…

… course sometimes it is freaking sweet to reign down destruction on the peasants!