This next bit was taken from “WhyRPeopleSoStupid”, a member of Fark.com who created these. I love Fark…it’s one of the best places to find out about the news. People submit news headlines with funny titles and then let people chat about it in a reasonable and logical manner on their forums.
If you believed that last part, you’re probably going to believe these are true. Behold….JESUS WITH DINOSAURS!
Don’t dinosaurs make everything better?
Take Transformers. Transformers has giant robots that can turn into other machines. If Optimus Prime has to race to the dam to fight Megatron, he turns into a kick ass semi truck and drives there. If Starscream wants to unleash the fury on some unsuspecting oil refinery workers, he turns into an F-15 fighter.
Sadly, they missed a spot while assaulting the refinery and this monster would continue to derail Robot vs. Robot carnage with his “feelings” and “soul.”
As a kid I wanted to be Spike if only to rally the Autobots to my side to conquer the world. True story. But I’m moving off point here…
Dinosaurs make everything better! Take the pope. He’s pious, controls the world’s church, and has the obligation of being the Bishop of Rome in addition to wearing that big hat of his. But if you combine him with reptillian DNA and you get…THE SPACE POPE! He’s a pope who rules space. Space! That’s a whole lot of papal obligations to be responsible for!
If you didn’t get that last reference without a picture, you really need to watch more Futurama. There’s no excuse for having not seen it, it’s been on TV for the last 10 years on 3 different networks and they show the same 75 episodes.
So with Transformers, the writers must have sat around their Tonka Tuff offices and thought how they could make a show here giant robots that turn into machines that sometimes combined to make other machines cooler! (What a mouthful!) I imagine the meeting went something like this…
Writer A: Man, how are we going to top Giant Robot Car and Giant Robot Plane?
Writer B: Giant Robot Ape?
Writer A: *violently slaps B* That will never catch on…until the 90s…but regardless!
Writer C: How about Giant Robot Insects?
Writer A: Did that, made them kinda weak with those voices of them.
Writer B: how about Giant Robot Dinosaurs?
Writer A: I know! How about Giant Robot Dinosaurs?
Writer B: …you always steal my ideas!
True story, Writer B would grow up to be both weird and if reports are to be believed, he turned into Stewart Wilson. He doesn’t read this blog, I’m in the clear!
So now we have Giant Robot Dinosaurs, or Dinobots since that’s cooler. The Dinobots are huge, kick ass, and wield fire swords as they slaughter their enemies. They are too cool for guns, instead shooting fire out of their mouths to wage war on the Decepticons.
If they had a flaw it would be that they aren’t the brightest bots in the box. Grimlock is unable to use proper grammar when he speaks and is fond of petting Petro-Rabbits. Swoop, for all his firepower as a JET POWERED PTERODACTYL, is repeatedly being bashed into the ground or knocked out by random punches. Do they let this lack of intelligence hold them back? Hell no! Like America, they never admit that they’re wrong. People who were sworded and set on fire probably deserved it in their opinion, and in Grimlock’s mind he is the real MFing Tyrannosaurus, sway backed and all!
He Grimlock, Bad Ass!
Things Improved By Dinosaurs:
Jurassic Park - Without dinosaurs, this movie is essentially “Samuel Jackson gets Eaten By a Shark” and we all know how that ended.
Conspiracy Theories - If a conspiracy theory doesn’t invoke either dinosaurs or the reptillians it’s probably boring to me. I don’t want to hear how pharaohs were taught arcane pseudoscience by aliens unless those aliens were from the Draco constellation!
Godzilla - If Godzilla wasn’t a mutated dinosaur, he’d probably have to settle for being a giant bear and giant bears aren’t that funny. Would a radioactive Teddy Ruckspin destroy Tokyo? He would, but not in that slick of a style.
XKCD - If Randall from XKCD wasn’t afraid of velociraptors sneaking in and devouring his precious “math” and “brain”, would he be inspired to create his many funny strips? www.xkcd.com
Street Sharks - They added dinosaurs who didn’t chew up the streets when they fought crime. (God I’m old, when did this come out?)
In Other News,
The next post will be about Aliens in the Mass Effect Universe as well as a long overdue talk about people’s favorite aliens. Stay tuned! Or…clicked. Stay clicked?
The next post is about what would be an appropriate response to staying on this blog!