Uh oh.  I upset someone.  ON THE INTERNET. 

My dear friend and colleague Rick Carroll posted something about lightning this morning on twitter and I felt compelled to correct him. I mean, if anyone here is an expert on lightning it’s me!  I recently had the misfortune of getting Zeus’ wrath after we got back from vacation earlier this month and had lightning blow out all the electronics in our house.

Didn’t I tell you all about that?  It’s been no easy task dealing with insurance companies in the aftermath of it.  Lightning struck a tree in our neighbor’s yard which then arced into our fence.  The train of destruction is as follows and reads like a Family Circus strip. 

1. From the tree into the fence where it tried to weld our fence shut.
2. Through the fence to the gutter where it knocked off the drain spout and went into the gutters.
3. Through the metal gutter guard into our roof, knocking off shingles and popping the top vent. It also warped some metal.
4. Part of the lightning hit our phone line which was spliced with the cable line because of Comcast’s Triple Play package (I’ll rant about them later)
5. Went into the cable line and into our house frying every electronic on the first floor and popping nearly all the fuses.
   

Some of my friends said “Why didn’t you use surge protectors? They would have stopped the lightning cold!” Ha ha, no. No how much your average surge protector can stop? It can stop a fuse blowing or a short circuit. Not only do they not stop lightning but lightning fried out our surge protectors as well as the power supply to the 360.  

Come to think of it, I think Rick was teasing me because he was the one who sent the lightning bolt!  He must have stolen one of Zeus’ lightning bolts and tried to nail our house but missed because he’s a horrible person shot!

Oh it’s ON! I challenge you to a writing contest good sir! Are you game?

RED DEAD REDEMPTION!

Or How I Learned To Stop Caring And Shoot My Gun.

 I beat Red Dead Redemption the other night, and let me tell you: This game was something different.

You take on the role of John Marston, a notorious outlaw who is blackmailed by the US government into trying to take down former members of your old gang.  After being left for dead outside of Fort Mercer you are taken in by the MacFarlanes who tend to your wounds and set you on your path that takes you through the beautiful mesa of New Austin, down into the troubled times of Mexico, and back north into West Elizabeth where you take haven in the city of Blackwater.

The game is good, no doubts there. The graphics blew me away once I started playing the game. Everything from trail dust hugging your legs to grass swaying in the breeze makes you feel like you are in the Old West. Animals scamper about as you go hunting and towns have that old fashioned feel to them.

When it comes to the missions, they all seemed to blend in after a while but they still had a fun if simple premise; shoot the bad guys dead. It was fun sneaking into hideouts or Mexican army bases but some of the other missions usually involved “Ride to Point A While Listening To Boring Monologues Then Shoot Crap.”  I liked some of the minigames though so these are just minor complaints.  The Dead Eye system made hunting too simplistic but was absolutely necessary for gun fights.

Gunfights gunfights gunfights. The game really appeals to the wild west nuts and those who crave violence. With at least 6 types of weapons to choose from you can customize what weapons you take with you into a fight.  Certain outfits either granted you camouflage against a certain group or gave you bonuses as well.  I admit, it was satisfying to shoot from the distance with my Elephant Gun, switching out for my Mauser as I assaulted the base, then pulling out the Semi Auto Shotgun for close quarters.

Some of the little things in the game were great but were balanced out by equally aggravating things.  I loved playing Texas Hold ‘Em and Blackjack in the saloons to raise money!  Hunting was also a pretty ingenious way to test a player’s skills by having challenges in the game required by killing certain creatures. I also learned how to play Liar’s Dice which I’m dying to play in person with someone now. On the other hand, the Ranching missions were a PAIN IN THE ASS.  I’m an outlaw who brings vigilantes to justice and I’m an expert gambler, why do I need to learn how to drive cattle? What was to be gained by playing Horseshoes to give me the final piece I needed for my outfits? Why would you give me certain outfits in the game but lock me out of changing clothes towards the end?

One major problem I had was the inconsistent dialogue. In Grand Theft Auto you overhear lots of people talking as you walk down the street and the radio helps fill you in on gaps in the game.  There was something to be said for listening to some good music as you drive ten minutes across the map to your destination. In RDR, the game has a beautiful soundtrack that lets you know when certain events are happening. It changes to a quick racing sort of music when you see outlaws make off with a wagon or the lively tunes in the saloon in Armadillo help with the poker games. Everywhere else though it’s quiet  VERY quiet.

The game gets sort of haunting in fact while you creep along in the dark trying to sneak into an outlaw camp or if you’re just sitting and waiting for a deer to run by. When there is music, it is either the same generic riding music or it only plays as long as the encounter lasts. If I shoot the outlaw, the music starts over again or goes to silence.  The same monotonous music got to me especially since I know the game has a great soundtrack because it came as a free download when I preordered it. Also, while the saloon in Armadillo had piano music none of the other bars did so the games there are filled with the same dialogue that repeats over and over again. (Like the racist guy who keeps saying Sure as Shootin’. I wanted to throw down my cards and plug him right there!)

Another problem comes from glitches. I have yet to see the humorous Cougar Man or Amazing Chinese Acrobat, but I have encountered a few weird ones.

• My horse phased into a bridge so that half of him was dangling below it and the other half was stuck on top. 
• Hit a man with dynamite and knocked him down. He then got back up and started running away!
• Bear Rump. A Bear was fused with a tree so that only his butt was sticking out. It reminded me of Winnie the Pooh except this guy was roaring and trying to hit me!
• Jumped over a small rock and my horse died suddenly as if it had fallen and impacted something.
• As long as I’m locked on to someone in Dead Eye Mode and keep moving, even if I run by a tree and Marston holds his gun up in the air the bullets go straight up and into my target.  SEEKER BULLETS!

 Overall the game gets a solid 4 1/2 out of 5. Amusing antics, beautiful graphics, and fun missions make this a near solid win. If they could fix some of the errors and simplify dueling I think it would definitely kick ass.