Lets talk about moms for a second. Not yours, though from what I hear your mother who by all accounts is a classy lady!

My Mom though?  Awesome.  All the time.  Even when we argue she’s still amazing.

I get my love of reading from my mother who always took me to the library when I was a kid.  She’d let me check out any number of books I wanted which back then usually included Where’s Waldo, dinosaur picture books, and books on mythology.  My Mom continues to be more than a little understanding when she sees me reading a new graphic novel or book even though I have more than most people would consider humanly possible!

This is one bookshelf.  ONE.  OF MANY.

That’s not true….that bookshelf is outdated.  I have 3! RPG/comics, Comics, and novels and non-fiction.

But enough about my awesome library…

How cool is my Mom?  Remember that game that came out back in the day that involved fighters beating each other to a bloody pulp?  I’m not talking about  Pug Pirates, though that game would be just adorable.  I’m talking about Mortal Kombat!

(Taken by Amy Tucker from www.everyjoe.com)

My Mom sat me down once as a kid to talk to me about violence in video games.  I don’t remember much about the conversation but it went something like this:

Mom: “You know not to hurt people and that video games are fake, right?”
Lil’ Me: “Yep!”
Mom: “That’s great.  I trust you.  Here’s this new game everyone is talking about and I got you the blood code for it because apparently it comes pre-censored.”

A B A C A B B: The motherfucking blood code for Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis.  I still remember it to this day!

The only time she ever showed concern over what I was playing was when I started playing Grand Theft Auto III around the same time I started driving.  If I started running over pedestrians or failed to stop for red lights she’d take away my car keys. C’mon!  Everyone knows that Liberty City is in Soviet Nazistan and the pedestrians and prostitutes are baby sacrificing zombies from hell!
(Mom’s to smart for that lie, but yours might not be! See if that line will work kids!)

Now I know what you’re thinking: Pepperoni is pretty greasy, get some nice pineapple on your pizza instead.  As for the rest of you you’re thinking “You keep saying your Mom is great but that’s cause she does all these things for you!  What does she do for the rest of the community?”

My Mom is a Special Education teacher for IPS and is working with kindergarten at the moment.  In the past she’s had to work with emotionally handicapped students which can be really challenging, since a list of injuries for her have included: Broken thumb, numerous threats, and globs of spit.  It wasn’t a job for the faint of heart but she did it for 15 years!  That’s 15 years of dealing with stressful situations from day to day.

She’s also been an air traffic controller, a police dispatcher, and raised the 3 of us without batting an eye.

When she wasn’t helping out other people’s kids she helps take care of her grandson and my mighty nephew Jack!  Jack is over a year old now and is quite the handful!  He’s  a running, screaming, milk bottle throwing machine of cuteness!

  If there needed to be Jack vs. Evil Robot Baby, Jack wins 10x over.

My Mom somehow manages to juggle working at school all day and taking care of my nephew at night whenever my sister and brother in law are busy fighting evil as Lawyerman and Attorneywoman!  While they’re putting the bad guys away in jail she takes care of him (with the occasional guest appearance from me!)

Side note: Giant Robot Babies.  Do they grow up to be Giant Robot Giants?  THIS IS WHY WE’RE LOSING THE WAR ON GIANT ROBOTS, PEOPLE! President Obama, when will we prioritize funding towards building superdroids instead of stealth bombers?  Call me, I have some ideas.

To a special little lady out there who has helped make me who I am: You’re great and I love you.  Thank you for everything and for being the coolest person I know.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

 Boston.  Wow.  Boston.  You are a hell of a city and you know how to have a great convention!  The title of thispost is just an amusing line I kept repeating while there, since my Boston accent is terrible and that’s all I can say.

This year was the first year for PAX East 2010.

WIL WHEATON
The man is a class act, and he gave one hell of an opening speech that I personally related to in a lot of ways.  Here is a video someone posted on Youtube of the keynote address he gave.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSLDfAgbOh4

His speech was centered around how gaming in all its forms has been helpful to so many people and that gamers are not the antisocial outcasts that people believe we are. He told us about the time he received Dungeons and Dragons for Christmas one year, and how reading the books helped him develop his imagination.  He spoke about how some of the closest friendships he’s had in his life were created through gaming with others, and how it’s possible for someone to have a successful career and still log 72 hours into Dragon Age: Origins.

At one point he even used the phrase while speaking to my friend Ana “I’m going to have the DM rule on this one, and in the meantime I shift one segment away.”  He is just that awesome, especially with all the geeky quotes he’d utter during his opening address.

I plan on going into this in more detail at some other point, but I want to make this abundantly clear:  As much as people might mock me for who I am and how I like to spend my free time, it’s no weirder than your hobbies.

He was nice, full of energy, and I never saw him be rude to a fan.  He would pose with people in their pictures and he signed a book I bought from him.  You rule, dude.  You’ll never see this but you rule.

SUBWAYS

This confused a lot of people, but I have never been on a subway in my life.  Yes, it is possible to go that long without stepping foot on a subway.  No, there aren’t subways in Indianapolis.  Yes, I was born to do the hand jive (but that’s another story.)

Subways were interesting!  I couldn’t help but stare at everything.  I was doing the logistics in my head on how they carved the tunnels underneath Boston and how many people the subways could hold.  I also liked the odd things about the subway, like how graffiti would make it to the ceilings of the terminals or how they posted posters and ads on the inside of the tunnels for you to look at as the cars ran along.

FOOD
So while in Boston you would have thought I had traditional Boston cuisine, right?  I mean, I stopped by one place on Thursday night with Ana and Ari and had some sandwiches there, but certainly I tried other food while in Boston, right?  WRONG!

There was just no time to leave the convention center for anything other than mall food.  I would have loved to have had seafood or visited one of the old style taverns that Dereke and Bethany visited, but in order to maximize my enjoyment of the con I had to stay close to the Providence Center.  :/

I did get free food however, at Panda Express.  When we arrived on Thursday the manager of Panda Express talked to me at length while I waited in line for food.  He asked me how many people were going to show up and when gamers liked to eat.  I mentioned how we liked to show up late and would probably be looking for food late at night.  When I was hunting for food Friday night around 10 I ended up at the food court where every place was closed…but Panda Express!  The manager apparently based his decision to stay open late on my response and gave me my drink and eggrolls for free! :D  Woo!  He was really cheery and the entire food court was gorging themselves on orange chicken.

Side note:  I have diverticulitis, and I ate a sesame seed bagel because it was the only thing I could find Saturday night to eat.  The Au Bon Pain was closing and it was the only thing left that didn’t look like it was made with eggs and had sat out for the day.  Unfortunately, the sesame seed bagel nearly killed me and I’m still in pain from it!

PANELS

I was not fond of the lines.  Have I said that enough?  I know, this is me bitching and complaining about something that was bound to happen.  I’m just not fond of waiting in line for three hours only to be turned away at the door because it got too full.  This happened to me once for a panel and I showed up late to David and Filamena’s “Design an RPG in an Hour” panel and it was already full.  Sadness. :/

Course, there were 50,000 attendess at the con so that was to be expected. :P  Like I said, I’m whiney.

My favorite panel had to be the Friday night panel where I sat in line for an hour just to be told that the filmmakers didn’t bother to show up to the con and that the DVD they sent ahead of them wouldn’t play on the projector.  Sensing that there would be disappointed people, Gabe from Penny Arcade made a surprise appearance and talked about his campaign for over an hour.  It was awesome, since he’s new to running a campaign and yet he’s come up with several ingenius ways to keep his players involved, such as making laser puzzle traps in real life for them to figure out.

This comic actually is inspired by some things he said at the panel:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/3/29/

My second favorite panel was the PVP panel with Scott Kurtz.  He showed up drunk and was absolutely hilarious.  He went for an extra hour and had the audience rolling.  I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe!  I salute you Mr. Kurtz! *salutes*

PEOPLE

Besides traveling out there with my totally awesome roommates Dereke and Bethany, who were great and we had lots of fun traveling around the city and were amusing with our weird antics, I also got to meet up with David, Filamena, Ana, and Ari while out there.  It was great seeing all of you!  It was embarrassing spilling Indian food in my lap while with David and Filamena but we laughed it off. Seriously though, that food was brown when it hit my lap but dried bright yellow.

Ana and Ari showed us around parts of Boston and warned us about the Fairy store.  Thanks for the help!

MASCHINE ZEIT

Are you all familiar with David and Filamena Hill?  You should be!  It’s not just because I’m putting the finishing touches on something for them, but they came up with a pretty nifty RPG that you should all play.  Maschine Zeit, a game of scifi horror, was thrilling everyone who came by to play in the demos they ran.  I played in two games myself, and I think it’s simple yet pretty satisfying game system.  I don’t think there was a single person who walked away from the table going “Hmm, yeah, that sucked.”  Instead, I saw a couple of people who were getting excited about their character’s actions and really got into the spirit of the game!  I will let you know when it’s ready to be purchased!

David and Filamena also ended up on some blogs that you may read, so check them out!

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/99471-Scoop-An-Investigative-Reporter-RPG-With-Dinosaurs

http://kotaku.com/5503107/pax-east-creates-a-game-of-cold+blooded-journalism

PROS

1. Boston had so much history!  Bunker Hill and the USS Constitution were great!  I loved seeing the different architectural styles throughout the city, and everything was great to absorb. :)  I even got to ride on a Subway, which is a big deal for someone from the Midwest.
2. The every nice Enforcers who found my phone after I lost it and returned it to me.  I even wrote a nice email to the Penny Arcade guys talking about how great the Red Shirts were.  Seriously, they answered my questions and were never rude to me.
3. PAX was just without a doubt one of the funnest conventions I’ve been to in a while.  There was so much to do, and even though it didn’t seem like there were that many panels to attend there was something going at almost all hours.
4. Tycho and Gabe were class acts the entire way!  I saw them in the hall and they were pleasant to their fans.  You guys rule!
5. Jump In The Line Games were a great way to pass (and waste!) time while waiting in the God forsaken lines that made up the con.  I loved the Messy Board!

CONS (Not conventions this time)

1. BOSTON BEING NAMBY PAMBY AND GOING TO BED AT 10!!!  The entire city shuts down by 10 PM, so if you want to find food you are boned.  Dereke and I couldn’t find an all night diner to save our life and with the exception of a seedy bowling alley nearby, every place seemed to close early.  Not impressed, Boston.  Guess we party harder in the Midwest!
2. Drunk chick at bar who kept humping me and broke her martini glass on the table.  When she went to the bar to get more booze, the waiter came by with her credit card and gave it to me thinking I was her husband.  I then had to find her to give her back her card, which wasted more of my time. “Why didn’t you just tell the waiter to keep the card?”  Because he could not understand me and just nodded his head and walked off.
3. The heel of my shoe broke and cut up the back of my right ankle to a bloody pulp.  Owch.
4. Lines.  Lines.  LINES!!!  I am so not a fan of lines!  I understand they are necessary and the PA Enforcers did their best to make it pleasant as possible, but the lines sucked ass.
5. Taxi drivers act like they are reinacting the Pod Races while in Boston.  Holy crap I thought I was going to die as he barreled down a one-way street from the wrong direction.

The WYRD
1.  Scott Kurtz and Kris Straub singing “Wild Wild West.”  They were singing Wild Wild West perfectly and in harmony.  Clearly, they’ve practiced it before.  They were also doing this at their booth when no one was around, but it was still amazing!
2.  The Spy from Team Fortress 2 was there and I think he was on a mission to kill Wil Wheaton!  He even assumed his face!
3.  Dereke was totally a fan girl for the Penny Arcade staff.  He knew who EVERYONE was!  He even knew their business manager’s name!
4.  Dereke totally looked cooler than me in his hat and got several compliments on it.  Even a homeless guy wanted to steal it! (There, don’t slit my throat when I sleep Dereke!)
5.  I was able to function after 38 hours with no sleep. o_o

SWAG
I couldn’t take that much with me this year since I flew to Boston but I had a respectable haul.  Spent about a hundred bucks or so and mainly at the indie RPG booth.

1. 3:16, a RPG about playing a group of Space Marines on a mission to kill everything in the universe.  It seems hilarious!
2. Shock: Human Contact, a game about traveling to alien planets and trying to influence societies and change them throughout the course of the campaign.  It’s interstellar colonialism and it appeals to the scifi nut inside of me.
3. PVP Vol. 7, signed by Scott Kurtz.  It has a picture of Scratch Fury drawn on the inside cover!
4. I got one of the PAX 2010 scarves and shrit before they sold out!  I also bought the “John Gabriel’s Internet Dickwad Theory” shirt!
5. Souvenirs for the family!  Jack got a lobster toy, Ben got a pen, Caroline got chocolates, Tina got a Harvard shirt, and Mom got a funny lobster shirt!

This next bit was taken from “WhyRPeopleSoStupid”, a member of Fark.com who created these.  I love Fark…it’s one of the best places to find out about the news.  People submit news headlines with funny titles and then let people chat about it in a reasonable and logical manner on their forums.

If you believed that last part, you’re probably going to believe these are true.  Behold….JESUS WITH DINOSAURS!

Don’t dinosaurs make everything better?

Take Transformers.  Transformers has giant robots that can turn into other machines.  If Optimus Prime has to race to the dam to fight Megatron, he turns into a kick ass semi truck and drives there.  If Starscream wants to unleash the fury on some unsuspecting oil refinery workers, he turns into an F-15 fighter.

Sadly, they missed a spot while assaulting the refinery and this monster would continue to derail Robot vs. Robot carnage with his “feelings” and “soul.”

As a kid I wanted to be Spike if only to rally the Autobots to my side to conquer the world.  True story.  But I’m moving off point here…

Dinosaurs make everything better!  Take the pope.  He’s pious, controls the world’s church, and has the obligation of being the Bishop of Rome in addition to wearing that big hat of his.  But if you combine him with reptillian DNA and you get…THE SPACE POPE!  He’s a pope who rules space.  Space!  That’s a whole lot of papal obligations to be responsible for!

If you didn’t get that last reference without a picture, you really need to watch more Futurama.  There’s no excuse for having not seen it, it’s been on TV for the last 10 years on 3 different networks and they show the same 75 episodes.

So with Transformers, the writers must have sat around their Tonka Tuff offices and thought how they could make a show here giant robots that turn into machines that sometimes combined to make other machines cooler!  (What a mouthful!)  I imagine the meeting went something like this…

Writer A:  Man, how are we going to top Giant Robot Car and Giant Robot Plane?
Writer B: Giant Robot Ape?
Writer A: *violently slaps B* That will never catch on…until the 90s…but regardless!
Writer C:  How about Giant Robot Insects?
Writer A: Did that, made them kinda weak with those voices of them.
Writer B:  how about Giant Robot Dinosaurs?
Writer A:  I know!  How about Giant Robot Dinosaurs?
Writer B: …you always steal my ideas!

True story, Writer B would grow up to be both weird and if reports are to be believed, he turned into Stewart Wilson.  He doesn’t read this blog, I’m in the clear!

So now we have Giant Robot Dinosaurs, or Dinobots since that’s cooler.  The Dinobots are huge, kick ass, and wield fire swords as they slaughter their enemies.  They are too cool for guns, instead shooting fire out of their mouths to wage war on the Decepticons.

If they had a flaw it would be that they aren’t the brightest bots in the box.  Grimlock is unable to use proper grammar when he speaks and is fond of petting Petro-Rabbits.  Swoop, for all his firepower as a JET POWERED PTERODACTYL, is repeatedly being bashed into the ground or knocked out by random punches.  Do they let this lack of intelligence hold them back?  Hell no!  Like America, they never admit that they’re wrong.  People who were sworded and set on fire probably deserved it in their opinion, and in Grimlock’s mind he is the real MFing Tyrannosaurus, sway backed and all!

He Grimlock, Bad Ass!

Things Improved By Dinosaurs:

Jurassic Park - Without dinosaurs, this movie is essentially “Samuel Jackson gets Eaten By a Shark” and we all know how that ended.
Conspiracy Theories - If a conspiracy theory doesn’t invoke either dinosaurs or the reptillians it’s probably boring to me.  I don’t want to hear how pharaohs were taught arcane pseudoscience by aliens unless those aliens were from the Draco constellation!
Godzilla - If Godzilla wasn’t a mutated dinosaur, he’d probably have to settle for being a giant bear and giant bears aren’t that funny.  Would a radioactive Teddy Ruckspin destroy Tokyo?  He would, but not in that slick of a style.
XKCD - If Randall from XKCD wasn’t afraid of velociraptors sneaking in and devouring his precious “math” and “brain”, would he be inspired to create his many funny strips?  www.xkcd.com

Street Sharks - They added dinosaurs who didn’t chew up the streets when they fought crime.  (God I’m old, when did this come out?)

In Other News,

The next post will be about Aliens in the Mass Effect Universe as well as a long overdue talk about people’s favorite aliens.  Stay tuned!  Or…clicked.  Stay clicked?

The next post is about what would be an appropriate response to staying on this blog!

Let me talk about something that all job seekers have had to go through.  Let me talk about the wonderful joy of receiving notices about work by email.

Email is great.  It’s awesome!  I can work with coworkers that are across the United States and I can talk to family members who I don’t see every day by typing up a short message and sending it off.  I can also send people pictures of cats doing cute things or share videos of Sarah Palin’s comedy routine failing pretty hard on Leno’s show.  (Sadly, she was the funniest part of that show.)

Now you can use email to receive updates on applications for jobs and for college.  I can apply to work at big business firms by emailing in my resume and portfolio or I can take a generic application test to work at Best Buy or Borders. Oh yes, with email I can get up to minute information on the status of my applications…such as when they reject me!

Now my inbox fill up with all sorts of “Thanks but No Thanks!”  emails which are completely automated in and of themselves.  Each one is the same format and changes very little.  I once received three emails from the Marion County Library system within five minutes of each other, and the only thing that changed was that the position I applied for had changed inside the body of the email.  All a prospective employer has to do these days is go into their mailing program, pull up the template they wish to use, and an automated mailer can do the rest.

Which makes me wonder one thing and one thing only!…

 Who fires the automated mailers?

Please note that most Human Resources personnel look like this. 

No one likes to fire people.  I never liked letting go volunteers at my last job and at ILL I always felt awkard having to give So as we rely more and more upon  automation to hire and fire people, how necessary will the human process be in future interviews?  Most online applications already give you a psych evaluation and ask you the standard questions they would ask you in an interview.

1.  You notice your drawer is short on money and you have run the receipts twice.  What do you do?
A.  Repeat the process of closing out the register, document your findings, and notify your supervisor
B.  Make up the difference in lost money so it doesn’t look like anything is missing
C.  Do nothing, cause Lost is on!
D.  Swap receipts with the register next to yours and hope that asshole of a coworker gets let go.

Fun fact!  One of those options is correct, but one of them is more fun.

The internet also allows for employers to do more research on potential applicants.  Employers can Google an applicant’s name and if you have a decent enough web presence you may appear!  Personal blogs full of insane rants may show up along with your Youtube lists, your Twitter account, and even your Facebook account may show up.  If you’re really lucky, the Agricultural Industrial job you just applied for may be very impressed with how well your Farmville account is doing!

(Side note:  If you found this website by Googling my name, please know I’m not saying anything bad about a fine person like you.  I’m talking about your competitors, who we all know suck shit.)

I think eventually employers will job hunt solely with automated programs.  By using your Linked In and Monster accounts, a semi aware program can scour the internet for potential candidates and can assemble a list of hundreds of potential candidates in seconds.  These robots, and I call them robots because sentient AI programs make them sound homicidal, will become invaluable as they can cut through the riff raft of the internet and find that special person for the job in mind.  Will a robot take an interest in me? How can I prove my worth to these robot overlords?  I’m the sort of person that thinks chrome and bronze can go with ANYTHING, so please keep this in mind!

Can we reverse this process?  I want to know if in the future a little pop up will appear on a potential employer’s screen which will offer interesting tidbits about me.  Like that paperclip from Microsoft Word, it would be a cute and fun way to express yourself to employers.  You would just have to take care when selecting your pop up so that you don’t shoot yourself in the leg in this virtual interview.  If you are working for the Center for Disease Control, Nalpex the Nurgling would probably not go over well.

But he’s just darling!!!

As cool as this future sounds my heart is filled with sadness.  It’s not because I worry that my robot overlords will frown on my performance and not pick me.  I’m also not upset by the fear of being unnoticed in a crowd during this time of massive unemployment and a surplus of workers.  I’m instead filled with another fear, one that I just don’t think people will get. 

What do we do for robots who were rejected by other robots?  When the probability of you being selected for a job is configured in small bits of binary code, what do we do with these overqualified pieces of PERL?

At least they’ll always have a job screwing up my bank account!

Oh, and just one more random thought that occured while I was hanging out with Dereke today.  We pride ourselves on being a capitalist society, right?  We beat those filthy communists and America has come into ascension as the number one country on the planet.  China, for as much as everyone says they will be the next big super power, still lags behind us in so many ways and it will take them a while before they knock us out of the top spot.

So if we’re such immaculate capitalists and our philosophy is superior, why are we so angry with banks for receiving bail outs?  They negotiated a business loan with our government.  Investors stole our money, but isn’t that the risk of high enterprise?  You invested your money in the market and it was the will of the market that took it?  Bad business decisions take place in financing all the time. National Health insurance will hurt people by interfering with their personal health care plans, but doesn’t the US give out federal health insurance to it’s employees and what about Social Security, Medicare, and Tax Breaks?

This is a picture of the Socialized Sentinel that will be sent to homes to enforce the Death Panels.  I’m just kidding, one of these things doesn’t exist.  (It’s  not the robot!)

I know there is a lot I don’t get but when I hear people say “No government in our health care!” or “Filthy liberals just want to take our hard earned money” it hurts.  I don’t mean emotionally, I mean it hurts my head. I can’t seem to understand why if we’re so proud of being capitalist then why are we angry with the things that make us capitalist? 

I’m fortunate that I don’t drink to forget the worries of the world, but there are times when I wish I could disappear into my dreams where I don’t have to deal with confusing political rants and obnoxious hypocrites.

 IN OTHER NEWS

Chuck Wendig talks about trolls on the internet and how people should contribute more to conversations rather than just diss them. http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2010/03/04/this-is-the-conversation/

David Hill has announced a new project which has some familiar faces and he also talks about Mass Effect 2!
http://machineageproductions.com/?p=230
http://machineiv.livejournal.com/62672.html

Let me start off by saying that while I am mad about the circumstances of my 360 breaking down, the customer service at Microsoft was full of shit.

Lets start with their automated menu which kept trying to direct me to go online to make a repair ticket.  I can’t make a repair ticket because it kept saying my 360 was already registered but wouldn’t you know, the automated menu just keep treating me like I’m an idiot and saying “You should go online to our website and make your ticket there!”  When I finally managed to get a hold of someone (a feat made possible I believe by almost yelling at the menu), I got someone whose accent was so thick it really was hard to understand them at times.

I gave him my information and explained to him how I couldn’t create my own repair bill because it claimed my system was already registered.  The technician refused to help me at first, stating what I had just told him:  That my xbox was already registered.  I asked him who registered it but not only could he not give me that information but his computer went down, prompting this exchange.

“So you can’t tell me who registered my Xbox or when they did it, but you’re saying that you can’t register my system because your computer is down?”

“That is correct, sir.”

“How am I to get my 360 repaired?”

“You need the receipt and proof of ownership before I can process your repair.”

“….I received this 360 as a Christmas gift.  I don’t have the receipt and I’ve been the only owner of it for years.  No one has used my 360 or even borrowed it at all.  How can someone else have registered my 360?”

“Well we need proof of ownership such as the serial number.”

“…I just gave you the serial number!  That’s how you knew it was already registered in the system!”

“Oh….umm….can you give me the serial number again?”

“(number)”

“It still says it’s registered to someone else, sir.”

NO.  FUCKING.  WAY.

“This is intolerable, you’re saying I can’t fix my 360 at all?”

“Well you can make a request to change ownership of the 360 to yourself.”

“Why would I change it?  I own it!  Alright, fine.  Can we change ownership of the 360 to myself?”

“Sure…all you had to do was ask and I could have helped you do it.”

I bit back my anger because after being at the dentist all morning I really just wanted it fixed.  So I sat, and waited, and calmly recited my info to him and just when he is about to finish up…

“Uh oh, my computer is down again so I’ll have to put you on hold, and when you come back I’ll need you to recite your information for me again.”

It’s then that I pondered whether I have offended God at some point, and I kick myself for having to babysit yesterday and not being able to go to Ash Wednesday.  I’m still doing Lent however, but I just forgot to attend services.  Then I remember that God is probably off fighting Space Godzilla with Mothra somewhere, and if anything we’re buds so I doubt he’d do this to me.  I briefly consider sacrificing Aaron Dembski Bowden to the Devil instead, but then I remembered that even the Devil has standards and won’t put up with his tomfoolery.
(BTW, he’s got books out.  Hop on over to Black Library and check them out!  I believe Soul Hunter is out now, or is it Helsreach?)

When he comes back and I recite my information TWICE (cause wouldn’t you know, his computer crashed again while we were talking) we are about to check out.

“Please note that with service fees are $122.99, with a warranty extension fee of 29.99″

“Wait a minute, why did you advertise that it’s just $99.99 on your site?”

“It’s $99.99 for a console that’s 3 years old.”

“My console is 3 years old.”

“No, yours is MORE than 3 years old.”

“No, it’s 3 years and two months old.”

“Yes.”

“I’m lost.  My console is 3 years old!”

“No, you said it was 3 years and 2 weeks.”

“Wait, explain this:  How can it be free if it’s less than 3 years old,$99.99 for a console that’s 3 years old exactly, but 122.99 if it’s after 3 years?”

They then tripped over themselves verbally for a minute before they responded back to me.

“I’m sorry, I meant to say “With tax and service fees, it’s $122.99.”

“Regardless?  It’s just $122.99?”

“Well it could have been $199.99 if it was older than 3 years.”

“That makes little to no sense to me.”

“That’s our rules, sir.”

He didn’t get the joke he just made but at that point I just started laughing hard.  I can definitely see how their business operates under the guise of “Our rules make little to no sense.”

I chose in the end to get it repaired because buying a new 360 is out of my means at the moment and I don’t want to invest $250 dollars in a system that I may trade in 2012 when new systems come out. (They’re almost due when you think about it.)

Finally, when my nightmare is over and I can stop wracking up half an hour in lost minutes on my cell phone, the unspeakable happens.

“I can’t give you a repair number, sir.  My computer is saying your 360 is already registered.”

….

Dear Microsoft,

Let me be clear, I’m a fan.  I still have my original Xbox and I remember selling my PS2 to get the Xbox.  There were a bunch of games that I couldn’t switch over to the Xbox, like Amplitude or Kessen, and I was sad that I couldn’t play them anymore.  Still, I have stuck with you even though the Playstation 3 is out and has Blue Ray capacitiy and some really nifty games for it.  I like the 360 more than the Wii even though the Wii has better party games.  I want to love the 360 and can spend many nights shooting space mutants or raiding apocalyptic wastelands with it.

But lately it feels like you don’t like me.  You built your consoles from cheap parts with a bunch of unofficial rules attached to it.  Don’t prop up your 360 on it’s side or you risk burning the disc.  Don’t move the 360 when in use or you burn the disc.  Either pay $60 for our rechargeable batteries or gobble up disposable ones for the controller.  Your peripherals aren’t cheap, and lately some of the games you’ve been releasing are just poorly thought out.

Where is the love, Microsoft?  Am I just a quick lay to you, where you offer something shiny and awesome looking (Bioshock 2) but after taking my money you’d rather not look me in the eyes afterwards?  I remember when I was excited about the cool shit you had coming out for the Xbox and Xbox 360.  Now after having my console flat out die on me and putting me through a 3 ring circus with your poorly trained customer support I have to say I can get my kicks elsewhere.  I understand these things happen and some consoles just die from hardware failure.  What kills me is that when you know I’d be upset and I want to get things fixed ASAP you send me to a third party company who clearly aren’t being supported enough if their own computers die every 10 minutes.  Aren’t you supposed to be experts with computers?

I can go elsewhere, you know.  I can read books, I can go for hikes, or I could stick with the misanthropic sort of thing and stay in doors taping funny slogans to my cat for entertainment.  It’s not ideal but IT COULD HAPPEN.  Of course I”m kidding, since not only do I read (and write!) books, hike around the Wabash, or tape funny slogans to my cat (she has it coming) but I have other systems I can enjoy.  I’ve got the Nintendo Wii and I’ve been aching to break out my N64 and play me some Rogue Squadron.

Maybe I could even try my PC and maybe they’ll treat me better!  After all, with my PC I can…oh shit, you got me there too.  Crafty buggers, aren’t you?

With much rage and contempt,

John the Great.

P.S.  When I used to play with my Wii I’d think about you, but lately I play with my Wii and I think about the Playstation 3.

I’ve been playing Bioshock 2 and in almost every way it’s an improvement on the original.

The new weapons are fun and interesting.  Very rarely have I played a game where you get to take a huge f-ing drill and rip a man’s stomach out with it, and this game definitely delivered on it!  Even if you don’t want to get that close to someone, the game lets you pin them to the wall with a FLAMING ROCKET SPEAR or lets you fire ELECTRIC SHOTGUN SHELLS into a Spider Splicer.  It was very satisfying to do so.

My only complaint was the lack of an actual terrifying element to the game once you get past the first few levels.  The Thug Splicers, who are called so because they try to beat you to death with random blunt instruments, would be absolutely creepy because if you were focused on something in the game and not looking around they would try to sneak up on you.  There were several times when I turned around to see one with a wrench trying to get the drop on me.  These disappear halfway through the game and are replaced with an endless series of Leadhead Splicers, who while are fun to defeat they lack any sort of fear.

The protagonist of the game, an old style “Big Daddy” protector named Delta, is interesting.  For those that played the first game, the transformation into a Big Daddy is something terrifying to behold.  Here we have one of the first Big Daddy’s and as you struggle to get your daughter back you are forced to deal with murderous Splicers, the vindictive Sofia Lamb and her Rapture Family, and numerous mini bosses who want to crush you.

Penny Arcade was spot on with how some of the propaganda in the game did get on my nerves:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/2/12/

In case you missed it, Chuck Wendig wants you to focus on your writing.  Check it out!
http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2010/02/15/you-cant-write-everything-all-at-once-so-please-stop-trying/

Jess Hartley will be working on a new fiction project for Mind Storm Labs called the Adventures of Little Yoshida!
http://www.alphaomegathegame.com/index.php/permalink/the_adventures_of_little_yoshida/

The Conqueror’s Shadow by Ari Marmell  has been released and is getting some good reviews!  I haven’t had a chance to read it but if the reviews are right, it can cure baldness, improve vitality, and is a certified cure for whooping cough!

Code won’t behave, so no images for now.  Sorry folks.

So I just beat the game last night.  It took me a grand total of 45 hours, 16 minutes from start to completion on my first time through.   I enjoyed just about every minute of it.

Pluses +

• The combat was quicker but clearer, and the sniper rifle regained it’s dominance on the battlefield.
• I loved customizing armor and color schemes.
• Research was fun, and I like how you could improve the ship and have it matter in the end.
• Some of the romances were fun and natural for the most part.  Sometimes it did feel like the game was going for shock value with having so many alien creatures for the player to sleep with but only one guy or girl, but the story behind the characters was touching.  Garrus is used to failure, and his dialogue conveyed how nervous and insecure a cop-turned-vigilante can be.  Lawson felt like she had no self esteem because all of her gifts were bio engineered into her, and yet she was capable of catty dialogue with the main character.
• Sometimes you need to hug someone, and other times you need to smack the shit out of them.  The”interrupt” options in the game were a great addition and spiced up how dialogue could flow.

Minuses (-)

Lets face it, in a game like this there were still some shortcomings that did affect my enjoyment.  I did love the game, but some things I can’t overlook if I’m going to give it a fair review.

•  Searching for resources was fun and interesting at first, but soon became a weeping sore on the inside of my lip.  I’m serious, I liked scanning planets for resources when I was low on all four of them and there were plenty of side missions to discover by scanning planets.  Then I ran out of missions and the only element in the game I couldn’t find was Element Zero and everytime I scanned a planet I walked away with three metric tons of fucking Iridium which I couldn’t spend on shit.  It was still a big improvement over the last game, but it was a pain none the less.
• The customization was great, but there was a lack of options for customizing my armor.  I loved the glowing headband though, but I would have liked it if they kept some of the options they showed in the previews for the game.
• Some cool things in the game were never realized, like the Shepard VI you buy off someone.  Never saw it in the game even though I wanted to see it.
• Just like the first game, once you’ve killed everything in the universe and unlocked all your cool powers and weapons, your only choice is to commit to the end game.  I would have liked either random pirate missions or something to spice up searching the outer rim.
• Once again, the Blue/Red options dominated the conversations and there was no reason to choose any other options.

I loved the aliens they introduced in the game.  Mordin was a laugh riot, especially when he takes an interest in your personal life and gives you “medical advice” for a situation that comes up later in the game.  Legion was interesting, and I was enthralled with how the Geth lived and operated.  Thane was boring and generic at first but after accomplishing his mission I felt really close to him.

I’ll talk more about aliens later, but for now lets get on to Moral Choices in Games.

Morality in Games

In Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Fallout 3, and similar games you have a deluge of options to choose from.  When talking to someone the game gives you several options in some cases, like the following.

Generic Evil Mercenary Guy: I’m not giving you the disc, so go to hell!

(Good)Don’t do this.  If you give us the disc, it can save lives and you’re a hero.
(Bad) Screw you in your stupid face, I’m taking the disc!
Option 1:  Give us the disc!
Option 2: Zounds!

For those that don’t know how I play games like this, I play it honestly the first time through.  I play it like I’m the person in the game.  This means when I’m offered a choice in the game, I answer it the way I would do so in real life.  This means if I’m offered a chance to do something good, I take it!

The great thing about role playing games is they let you reach out and act how situations as a different character in a manner that’s similar to improvisational theater.  Even in video games you can find this, such as the scenario I presented above.  You have a choice and in game the dialogue options convey this choice as much as possible.  I say this because obviously there’s no option for “Pull down the villain’s pants and kick him down an uphill escalator.”

Hehe, uphill escalator.

With the new era of RPGs available for video games, the writing and the programming in the games allow for many different options.  If I want to be a good guy, I go with the Blue option and my character advances the story along as a good guy.  If I want to be a bad guy, I choose Red and continue on after performing something sinister.  If I’m Beige or don’t care for the scene, I choose a neutral  option and A. Nothing Happens or B. The story proceeds in a pre-determined manner but you’re neither good nor bad.

For me, I found myself clicking the Blue option throughout the game.  I was giving people money to buy tickets off of stations or convincing them not to do something stupid even though if they had I’d have made a profit.  The options made my character good but more importantly made “me” feel good.  I was proud of Shepard for helping people, though I did choose the Renegade path every now and then when I felt it was appropriate.

I’m not criticizing people who play games to escape from reality or who have always dreamed of playing The Punisher or La Femme Nikita.  I have a friend who told me he went through the entire game and when he was done Sheperd had glowing red eyes and firey scars over his face.  You want to go through the game and shoot people in the face, then go for it.  I just find it a little…boring.

Why?  I think it’s because I like heroes.  While I love a good villain, like Atrocitus from Green Lantern or  Badger from Firefly, I like to think that when it comes down to it I’d do the right thing regardless of the circumstances.  My Mom worked hard to make sure I knew what was right and wrong and it’s just kind of stuck with me. At most I’d be the mischievous sort of villain, but never the diabolical one.

Of course, this crosses over to real life.  I’ve stayed late after work to take a call from a social worker who has had a rotten day and is behind on their work (though I’m not usually happy about being it), I try to cheer people up when they’re feeling down, and the idea of stealing from a store is just downright repulsive to me.

Does this mean I hate villains and I’m a saint?  Nah.  I enjoy Grand Theft Auto, and in Fallout I’m running around town stealing from people to help line my pockets.   In Mass Effect I enjoyed some of the scenes that called for sudden action or a surprise attack even if it wasn’t particularly honorable, but even then I only did this against other villains.  I do feel bad in Fallout 3 when I rob from people’s homes, but considering how I saved a town from nuclear annihilation you would think they wouldn’t mind parting with their excess ammo and hidden secrets.

Will I play through the game again and go the Renegade path?  Probably.  I want to see the other half of the game and I want to see what changes in the story would happen if I did something differently.  I’m not going to go full blown, “Bluh!  I want to suck your bluhd, and possibly kick your dog too” but I will definitely take things from a different approach.

That’s the great thing about RPGs of course.  You get from it what you want, and with the new games coming out you get to make the choices you want…

… course sometimes it is freaking sweet to reign down destruction on the peasants!

(That and if I’m truly lost I can cheat and use the endless wikis devoted to the show to fill in the blanks.)

 Now lets talk about that show that sounds like a spice hidden in your cupboard…

I liked the pilot as much as I liked the original BSG miniseries, and that’s saying a lot.

Set 50 years before the beginning of Battlestar Galactica, Caprica is about a society that has reached a near peak of scientific perfection without dipping into scientific tropes like transporters, giant mechs, or reptillian overlords who gaze out over mankind and uttering “Hmm, yeeeeeesssss” like Beast Wars Megatron.

Caprica is set in a world that’s very similar to the 21^st century.  People wear business suits when they go to work and the only time you feel it is set in the future is with the little things people use from day to day.  Rather than carrying around a clunky cell phone they have small little communication devices and instead of a smart phone or laptop to send emails to each other they use pieces of paper that are miniature screens you can interact with.

For some, it can be jarring.  Absent are the capes, blasters, and starships from the original BSG series.  Instead of having nobles they have politicians and while starships are mentioned people still travel back and forth in cars or on the subway.  (Ugh.  The subway survived into the future and seems just as crappy.)

The main focus of Caprica are the characters of Joseph Adama and Daniel Graystone.

While Daniel Graystone represents an interesting character who is torn between his devotion to science and his belief he can resurrect his daughter through technological means, I was more attracted to the character of Joseph Adama.  Joseph, or Yosef as he is referred to by his fellow Taurons, is someone who is trying to live the Caprican way of life and yet comes from a planet that is looked down upon by the “civilized” world.

Graystone is very familiar to me, which is both comforting yet a little…dull.  A scientist obsessed with his work and making irrational decisions to save his company and his daughter and he is from what can only be called a “Western” culture?  Eric Stoltz does a fine job but I have seen it before.  I think his character will get more interesting as time goes on, so I’m more than willing to let this go in favor of seeing new episodes.

Joseph Adama is interesting and his background is a combination of Middle Eastern, Hispanic, and a refreshing mix of a made up culture thrown together with a grieving father whose ties to the underworld conflict with wanting a better life for his kid.  He pulls off the role as a distant father beautifully, and I’m looking forward to seeing how the character evolves.

Alessandra Torresani was good as Zoe Graystone.  I admit, I hated the living Zoe at the beginning of the show and much preferred the purity and innocence of the digital version. 

Hopefully the show keeps going strong and I’m looking forward to seeing the development of the Cylons, the eventual outbreak of the Cylon war, and how the relationship between Joseph and Graystone evolves.

Breaking news, dear readers:

FML = DEAD

Congratulations, internet.  In the time it took you to invent a new catchy saying, you buried it but a short time later.

I only learned about this phrase last fall but it seemed to hit its zenith during December.  Like a teen pop star or boy band, FML started popping up on AIM status messages, Facebook postings, and inevitably with internet sayings I heard it in real life with a coworker at his cubicle.  What is this now extinct internet phrase you might ask?

FML:  Fuck My Life.  As in, “I can’t get a job, my dog is sick, and I’m fairly sure my foot has gone gangrene.  FML.”

Why have I declared this phrase dead?

Like “Angry poster is Angry” or “The emo, I has it” FML became tired and was used inappropriately rather quickly.  Before long, I was reading my Facebook page and grimacing at how people were using it to describe little things with the phrase.  It was like a caterpillar which turned itself into a cocoon and emerged a piece of poop that was all ridgy and green.

Here are just some samples I’ve seen on LJ and AIM as of late…

“Still can’t find a job.  FML.”

“They screwed up my order at McDonalds and put mustard on the sandwich. FML.”

“Aww, man!  I couldn’t get Gaga tickets.  FML!”

That first poster?  That sucks.  They can’t find a job, and that’s never good to hear.  Their life is properly fucked, especially if they can’t figure out how to pay their bills.  That second person?  Well, no one likes having mustard on their sandwich when they don’t want it there but maybe they had something else happen in their life.

But no Gaga tickets?  Oh man, your life is over.  What will you do now that you don’t have tickets to Gaga?

I think the biggest telling point that this catch phrase is dead though?

When it is used ironically.

“Yeah, FML or whatever.”

Personally, I hope the next catch phrase involves the Last Starfighter.  That would be killer.

In Other News

J.D. Salinger is dead.  That’s a damn shame, though it was kind of inevitable with his age.  You will be missed and I need to find my copy of Catcher in the Rye.

Hey faithful readers (including some of you sentient bots out there), I’m in a bit of a situation that maybe you can help me with.  Right now, I have a head cold which is driving me NUTS.

As a friend of mine recently pointed out, I think noses only exist to remind us how much we hate them when we’re sick.  My nose  won’t stop running and whenever I try to clear it, it hurts.  It’s so annoying that when I try to sleep at night it feels like a 5 pound weight is sitting on my face, and when I move my head to the side to compensate I then have to deal with a clogged nostril.

I know, THIS is what you read my blog for.  Disgusting health news. 

Some of you might wonder why I haven’t turned to medicine to help me sleep.  Trust me, I’ve tried.  Last night I took a Benadryl, and the night before I took Tylenol Cold Nighttime formula.  Both of these are supposed to make you tired and help you sleep despite having a maddening nose.  Instead, once I take these drugs the exact opposite happens.

Sure, they do what they claim and help clean out my nose to help me breathe but they also make me hyper!  My heart was racing last night and while I was physically exhausted and unable to concentrate I was without a doubt very awake.  As I tossed and turned in bed, I would do my best to achieve a “Zen” state and clear my mind so that sleep would come naturally.  Clearly, this was a failure and around 1 AM I decided to read through New Avengers: Illuminati and Necessary Evil to pass the time.

I believe I fell asleep sometime after 3 AM, and considering that I woke up at 10 AM I want to find some way to nip this in the bud so I can sleep normally.  So I’m turning to you guys!

What helps you sleep?  Do you prescribe by the “glass of warm milk” or do have another method?  Tell me anything, from great grand papa’s old fashioned elixir to scientific methods.  How do you sleep when you absolutely have to?

I will do an update on this decade, but for now you get to enjoy this review of this year.

In summary, 2009 sucked and was a terrible year.

OK, that’s not entirely true.  It could have been a lot worse and to be honest, I made it through.  I’m here, I’ve got friends, and I’ve done a lot of cool things this year.  So here is my Top Five things of 2009!  Top Five, as in they were super important to me or were very changing of this year.

FIVE!

Getting better physically.

After the surgery, I lost a ton of weight but then gained back more.  This hurts, because for the first half of the year I was walking every day, going to the gym, and watching what I ate.  After the surgery I lapsed in this especially when I couldn’t move and it shows.  Ugh, does it show.

I’m not proud of this, and I want to change it.  I know everyone says they want to lose weight for the new year but I’m going to do this, damn it!

FOUR!

Friends come in at a strong four!

I have lots of friends.  Some are online, some I’ve met through work.  Others I’ve met through friends, and even more are acquantances who I don’t mind hanging out with from time to time.  Heck, if you’re reading this web site you’re either a friend of mine or an adbot!

I had to count on my friends in 2009 more than ever before, especially during my surgery.  So many of you sent presents, get well cards, and good thoughts over Facebook or in my email.  Thank you all for the kindness you’ve shown me, especially when I needed help.  I just hope I can repay you guys for all the help in 2009!

THREE!

My nephew, Jack, makes number three!

He’s the first new family member we’ve had in a long time.  He is 10 months old as of now, and he has been an awesome little guy.  While he is not my kid, he has helped me change and grow as a person.

…what, too sentimental?  Tough shit!

The fact is, he’s helped me become more patient.  I’ve learned to take things slowly around him.  Because of him, I’ve started to watch my language.  I’m not censoring myself, rather I’m just learning to be more considerate around children.

I’m not normally a fan of children.  For years, I had to deal with them at Vons and clean up after their messes.  I still remember when a kid spilled an entire 72 oz drink on a book shelf and how furious I was with him.  (And with the parents who didn’t realize he’d spill his jumbo drink in our store and refused to pay for it.)  I’ve also never dealt with babies before.

I love my nephew, and I think he’s the  most awesome person I know.  I hope it stays this way for a good long time.

TWO!

Working with Peryton Publishing is my number two.

I managed to negotiate a fiction deal with them and I managed to do it while recovering from surgery.  I’ve also sold short stories this year that should come out in 2010, and while I did not have that many things released this year I’m confident that my writing career is progressing.

It’s hard being a writer.  For starters, most people don’t understand what it is you do!  Most people go “Oh, anyone can write.  Please read my five thousand word fanfiction on Sepiroth fighting Spike then scoring with Buffy.”  I’m not saying I am the “end all” of writers by any means.  I have a long way to go, and I need to brush up on a few things before I can safely feel confident in my own skills.  Still, I think I’ve come a long way.

Since most people do not know, I started writing professionally five years ago.  I started working for a company called FJ Gaming and I wrote an adventure for them for their Gunslingers RPG line.   Since then, I have worked for a few companies and I finally made my way to White Wolf Publishing this year with my first supplement published with them for Collection of Horrors (Caveat Emptor).  I’m really glad I got to work with them, and I like where my career is headed.  It’s going onwards and upwards, which is good.

ONE!?!?!

This one is easy.  The surgery tops out my 2009.

Earlier this year, I had a “Laproscopic Microlumbar Surgery on my L5 Vertebrae with removal of a mass on my nerve cluster.”  In layman’s terms, I had a small pipe inserted into my spine where they cut out a solid mass that was bulging from my spine and crushing my sciatic nerves.  I could barely move my foot, and I was in solid pain throughout June.  The pain was so unbearable that I was forced to break down and get a $2000 CAT scan and I was barely able to leave my home.  I couldn’t even operate my car as my foot was paralyzed.

The surgery was successful, and I’m able to move my right leg and foot now.  However for July I could’t do anything and while at Gencon I was in so much pain I passed out each night around 10.  Still, I didn’t die on the operating table and they correctly diagnosed the problem and treated it.

Does it still hurt?  Yes.  Does it get better from day to day?  Sort of.  I can see a lot of improvement and I’m glad I had the surgery although I still have a lot of pain.  I have a numb patch on my right foot that will never go away.  When I say I have pain, I have pain in my back that prevents me from going up and down stairs, lifting heavy things, even from sitting for too long!  The most irritating part about this is that I hurt my left knee on a hike a few weeks ago and it’s taking forever to mend, which only makes me more cranky.  I would do almost anything for this pain to be over!  However, I am doing better.  Slowly, I am doing better.

I predict that in 2010 I will feel better and my spine will recover.  Until then, I’ll just have to cope with this pain.